Willy Wonka

Oh look a Golden Ticket! Tweet about it maybe? Hit that follow button Charlie!

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

That awkward moment when you're not sure whether that person's a boy or a girl.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Your shirt may say princess but your face says troll.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

"I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you yelled 'Team Jacob!' at my dog".

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

"Hey, can I borrow a pencil?" "Yeah, but it doesn't have an eraser." "Life doesn't have an eraser." "That was deep..."

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

That awkward moment when you're at your friend's house and he is getting yelled at, so you just stand there and pet the dog.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Twitter turns 30 minutes of homework into 2 hours of homework.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Oh, you're wearing a Northface jacket? You must have so many adventures.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Dad can I go to a 50 Cent concert? Dad: Here's $1, take your sister too!

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Your joke was actually hilarious. I just don't like you so I stood here with a straight face and didn't laugh.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

No one makes a lock without a key. That's why God won't give you problems without solutions.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Oh, you're a model? Who's your agency, Instagram?

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Oh, so you're an unwed teen mom? Please tell me more about mature decision making and responsible parenting.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

How come when your wife is pregnant, people rub her tummy and say, 'congratulations' but no one rubs your balls and says, 'good job'?

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

No matter how old I get, I'm still gonna mentally sing the ABC's to see which letter comes next.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

You're dropping out of college because "Bill Gates did it"? I'm sure you'll be just as successful.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Oh you're sick of hearing about everyone's drama on Facebook? PIease post another status complaining about everyone complaining.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween?

Me: Drunk

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

You never realize what you've got until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

[Willy Wonka @WonkaTheSarcasm]

What's the point in blurring out the middle finger on television? Like, oh you fooled me, what's behind that blur? An umbrella? An elephant?