matt!

a black fly in your Chardonnay

[matt! @wopttam]

Not now sweetie daddy’s watching home video compilations of the 2011 Japan earthquake/tsunami

[matt! @wopttam]

Just submitted the final assignment for my MBA

[matt! @wopttam]

I’ve never seen a fat person with such small legs

[#SnarkTwt ☕️ @SnarkingIsLegal]

Imagine how awful the being a guest on Caleb Hammer’s podcast is

[matt! @wopttam]

Jackie Chan can afford a place to live, I can’t

[Kalshi Film @Kalshi_Film]

“A piece of advice for young people: 'Travel'. Your money will return, your time won't.”

- Jackie Chan -

[mitra @mitrajoy_]

when people say “stop being political” what they really mean is the system works fine for me and you’re ruining my vibe by reminding me it’s built on other peoples pain

[Michael @TheMG3D]

Idc how much they try and push AI down our throats, do not let it become normalized!

[R.J. @rjgl89]

Poor communities getting destroyed because you’re asking AI how to pack.

[matt! @wopttam]

To quote the youngins, we’re COOKED.

[✍️ @jazzanchovy]

Today a coworker said he "challenged himself” to "old school google" something instead of using chat gpt. And that he "used to be really good at googling" and it was "hard" for him cause he "only uses chat gpt now.” He said this out loud in a meeting

[Nurses Against Dick Pics. 🪷🇺🇦 @ClaudetteGGibs1]

This is Mike Johnson hiding from the J6 rioters. @MikeJohnson is a liar and a fraud. He is protecting a pedophile.

[matt! @wopttam]

Doesn’t surprise me lmao shitty ass diner

[Byron Donalds @ByronDonalds]

Overflow crowd at the Old Bridge Diner.

Thank you Old Bridge and thank you Middlesex County!

After 7 disastrous years of Phil Murphy, New Jerseyans are ready for CHANGE, and that change is @Jack4NJ.

[matt! @wopttam]

Nothing like Salad House calling you a fat piece of shit to make you skip dinner

[matt! @wopttam]

Can we just go back to cable

[Variety @Variety]

HBO Max is raising prices across all plans effectively immediately. Starting today, the streamer will cost the following prices:

Basic With Ads
Monthly: +$1/month increase, now $10.99
Annually: +$10/year increase, now $109.99

Standard
Monthly: +$1.50/month increase, now $18.49
Annual: +$15/year increase, now $184.99

Premium
Monthly: +$2/month increase, $22.99
Annual: +$20/year increase, now $229.99
https://t.co/BghocdByuk

[𓂆 woozy @woozyuziii]

this is just cartoonishly funny at this point there’s no way

[matt! @wopttam]

Taylor Swift’s new album

[Harry Sisson @harryjsisson]

🚨Rolling Stone is now confirming what we all knew happened with Jimmy Kimmel’s show. According to their reporting, executives at ABC and Disney didn’t think Kimmel said anything outrageous but they feared retaliation from Trump. This is a blatant attack on free speech.

[John Frankensteiner @JFrankensteiner]

I post it every year, Hunter S. Thompson using an ESPN column to write this one week after 9/11

[izzy @spidermannwh]

the worst person you know from high school is posting a picture of charlie kirk and his kids on their ig story rn

[matt! @wopttam]

Friendly reminder that my bf and I were both on master chef jr in an alternate universe (if you know us irl you know how insane this is)

[໊ @user0000O0]

“you still have a long life ahead of you”