Bo Bernstein

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[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Apparently “some assembly required” is IKEA for “here’s a pine tree, pocket knife and some nails.”

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

I would pick up a hitchhiker wearing an “I Heart Murder” t-shirt before I’d pick up a call from a blocked number. #dontpickup

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Just sitting here thinking about what a crappy song "Pass the Courvoisier" was. It was a real waste of time.

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Watching the Walking Dead. If there's a zombie outbreak in Vegas... does it stay in Vegas?

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Eating Grapes So Big They Have Stretch Marks. #bigassgrapes

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Just had a Yoplait Light because I'm a busy woman in 1983. #whatthefuckishappening

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

About to piss my pants at CVS, if this goddamn old lady in line in front of me would stop haggling about her Ensure coupons. #piss

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Sitting in Coco's aka the poor mans Denny's. Time to get a new job. #poorasfuck

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues. #fuckedup

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

A pink mustache on the front of your car means you're a murderer or a douche bag right?

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

If you're first on a YouTube comment thread, I assume you're last in pretty much everything else. Seriously.

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than just 3 songs in the world, right?

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

I have 0 problems with eating Lucky Charms all day, every day.

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Next on the agenda... Sleep..

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Brought a box of peanut butter Pop Tarts to try for the first time and a backup box of Yodels in case the Pop Tarts Are A Bust. #fat

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

15 items or less my ass. That's like a full shopping cart. #fuckedup

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Watching a commercial about Vaginal Herpes. Where do we draw the line people. #seriously #fo #reelz

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Wait I have a Gluten Intolerance? I thought I was just an asshole. #is #it #gluten #or #is #it #me #hashtag

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Dora the Explorer mules heroin in her backpack for the Cartel.

[Bo Bernstein @wordswithbo]

Seriously the closest I've gotten to murder is holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop #csi #torrance