RelaxItsSatire

My hobbies include harshing your mellow.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

My simple 2 step program:
1) Reach adulthood in a world that bludgeons the sense of wonder and delight out of you in every conceivable way.
2) Get bitched out every day for not being cheerful enough. Till you die.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

I just published Expressions That Never Really Took Off https://t.co/5O8q3MM9qX

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@rosamund @TheGiftTheatre As the person who coined the phrase "live lit" in 2010, I feel entitled to some percentage of every blank stare it has inspired since.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

Action Movie Catchphrases of Mine That Are Fully Awesome https://t.co/Rf5BmR58ut

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

Hey. @elonmusk I'm fine with Trump being back on here. But only if he's gotta use a handle like @TreasonousDirtbag or @WillDieInJail or, and I think this would kill him the most: @NotEvenThatRich

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

For the runoff, the Walker (R - GA) campaign has announced plans to give like 8,000 concussions to the 1.9M voters who didn't cast ballots in the candidate's favor. A spokesman for the campaign explained that this was the only earthly way to get sentient people onboard.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@MykeATL One of the reasons I'm passed we moved out of a city. Cuz this fucking cow town does. Not. Qualify as such.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@nikotrotsky And they consume in accordance with this doomsday view.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@MasonJohnson14 I have like 8 phone numbers. And use maybe 3.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@nikotrotsky Was this a self designation though? Feels like a marketing thing some Boomer came up with.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@nikotrotsky Um. "Life."

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@Elizabeth_Crane Same. All this "outwit the Wordle bots" advice just makes me sad, a little. SUCCUMB TO THE WORDLE MAGIC, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

Torn between deleting account to help devalue @elonmusk 's petulant investment, or helping to devalue the platform by remaining on here. #slacktivism

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@lindsaydevon The Parenting Books Industrial Complex can fold up and kick rocks. For nowhere till the end of time will there be a truer portrait of its reality. One, worth emphasizing, utterly resistant to the ineffectual dog shit "advice" that would only work for robots the PBMI traffics in.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

Just had this gorgeous daydream where of a world where companies became almost as good at doing the shit they claim they're meant to as they are at carpet-bombing you user satisfaction surveys. Everything worked beautifully. Not like here.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@nikotrotsky My delusions hover in the paltry-to-meager range.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@andishehnouraee Experienced.

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

Here I made this for you: Jeni’s Flavors Elsewhere in the Multiverse https://t.co/KmYiTcRlcM

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@cachilders Jon Arbuckle is Paulie, then?

[RelaxItsSatire @writeclubrules]

@cachilders I still CAN, though, yeah?