Written While High

Stories, quips, and ramblings under the influence. Get my cannabis-induced stories at

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

How might one make out with the whole internet? Asking for a friend.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

A) I keep feeling like I'm levitating. B) I keep thinking I'm downstairs on the couch when I'm on my bed...

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

I haven't been high in so long. I'm not sure why that's the part that makes me feel like a failure...

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

Am I just high, or does this sock sound amazing? https://t.co/QPw0gRSmZK https://t.co/kLTvff6Ta1

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

There's so much cocaine on my dick!

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

#TMW you're on @Tinder and just gotta know, "Are you goth, or just a fan of black?"

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

Need me a pair of mermaid-skin boots. @CAH

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

Stealth train! Inside my brain!

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

I already forgot what was dumb enough to go on Twitter.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

This cheese is so sharp I could slay silk sheets softly.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

I think you just went meta-racist on us...

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

I starred in an anti-drug PSA once. I used the money I made to buy drugs.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

Father, son, and holy spirit. Hit that bong, can barely clear it.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

I don't want a safe word, I want an "I feel safe" word.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

The right amount of too high.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

Short as a fat dick.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

.@NicoleArbour has a sexy brain. I've no doubt that when we can finally transfer consciousness into machines, she'll be our robot overlord.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

Go stab yourself in the arteries. With a cheeseburger.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

When the voice is so hot, you gotta fuck that larynx.

[Written While High @writtenhigh]

I would never physically harm you, but that is little solace with a tongue like daggers and the loosest grip on my sanity.