watson

naruto runner

[watson @wtsnnj]

going to the big tesco just to feel something

[jawn didion @tinndfishmonger]

I tried Coke Zero at lunch instead of Diet Coke. All of the aspartame without any of the refreshment, the glamour, the joie de vivre, the satisfaction of cracking open a cold, glistening can of DC. Insidious beverage.

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

fucked up in the crib eating chip cooie

[/ @privaz3tte]

"70mm imax" i will go to a vue in a deprived area and i will enjoy it

[mafuyu irl 🇳🇴🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 @mafuyuirl]

countries i will be supporting after norway lost:
1. jude bellingham

[Kensetsu @Kensetsu6]

I heard a gun shot. I texted my neighbor.

[Owain @orhunt]

whenever a pepito* post goes viral I am reminded of possibly one of my favourite tweets of all time

[¿ @umlarp]

bless my chungus life

[Lark @king_of_limb]

had a few too many meads and wrapped my noble steed around a telephone pole

[uke creature🇵🇸🚩 @UkeCreature]

when you slip a little in the shower and you know you died in your original reality but the quantum immortality kicked in so it's chill

[palmer @decentbirthday]

Calling it “Cabo Verde” instead of Cape Verde

[Rata 🌇 @RANK10YGO]

if a website asks me for a verification code and i check my email and it's not in there within 0.1 picosecond of the request i roar and swing my arms madly and start hurting those close to me

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

The extinction of the dinosaurs is technically the highest ratio of birds killed with one stone.

[pigeon @pigeonisperfect]

coo

[blaire @pissshit90001]

When I mess up I just think about how someone went to work one day and did Chernobyl

[aley @gildedsprings]

“le he preguntando a chatgpt”

si? bueno yo lo he preguntado a Ra dios del sol creador de la vida y representante de la luz y el orden

y ha dicho que 𓂀𓋹𓁈𓃠𓆃☥𓅓𓆣

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

Goalkeeper reveal is one of the funniest things I’ve seen recently

[323 @Ggod323]

i swear my consequences don't even have actions

[Jan⁷ @haechans127atom]

Lorenzo to Jasmine and Kavan

[˖ Ritz 𓂀 ݁˖ @ridhima_z]

Someone said the UK heat is like the heat that comes out of the back of a bus & I’ve never heard a more accurate description