My Name Jeff

The human embodiment of Cards Against Humanity.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

#VanGogh #catsofvine #cats #catvine #meow #cutecatsofvine https://t.co/7fzl0AB2hd

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

FOR FUCKS SAKE @alexdh2o WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM VENDA?! TEXT ME BACK DAD OR YOU’RE GETTING ONIONS AND MUSHROOMS IN EVERYTHING!

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

@XAlone29043 Wtf is X, do you mean twitter?

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

@alexdh2o ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM VENDA FOR LUNCH?? I have texted, called, facebooked and I just had to redownload twitter to get your damn attention.

[Julian Edelman @Edelman11]

Football weather.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

My boyfriend: “Well, I mean he’s still Daddy but he’s Perc Rodgers now.”

The amount of men I have traumatized into calling @AaronRodgers12 , Daddy Rodgers is fucking incredible. 😂😂😂

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

Whoever is doing the fucking captions on Bachelor in Paradise is UNHINGED and I love it.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

There are a lot of snakes disguised as Hero’s in this garden of Hell, pretending to be your friend. They’re just waiting for the downfall so they can say they saw it coming. The knife in your back has always been there, you only just felt it when they drove it deeper.

[Anna Horford @AnnaHorford]

A creator on RedNote said, “Americans think they’re free because they get to have opinions, but they don’t get to have choices.”

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

I paid a guy to move a seat over so I could get two seats together at an airport bar in Chicago today and looking back, I would have paid it ten times over. ☺️

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

Love is not like anything especially a Fucking knife. #theused #chillitsliterallyasong.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

I’m about to go full on Will Smith up in this bitch. Keep my name out ya fucking mouth.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

I had the great honor today of pouring my neighbor, and regular’s very last beer. Your helmet and Jacket were set up in the last seat you sat in and I hope you enjoyed your last Whalers. RIP Andy. You’ll never be forgotten.

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

Girls who use gay dating apps, get to know you and then ask you to be a 3rd in their hetero relationship are an extremely special flavor of cruel. Your fiancé couldn’t find a clit if his life depended on it and I’m not your freakin rapture guide. 🙄

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

I just need to calm my anxiety so I’m going to watch Damon murder a family of Fucking 5.

[leah @leahgrace14]

Devin denied ever being in love and said he had doubts about getting engaged on the show when the entire time he was acting like JENN wasn’t giving him enough and he was all in???? Men ain’t SHIIITTTT #TheBachelorette

[My Name Jeff @xoxoHalley]

@ainsleyhcyes I literally said that like 30 fucking times during that finale.

[christine @ainsleyhcyes]

“i watched this beautiful girl grow and flourish into this amazing woman” #TheBachelorette

[Erin M @erinmurray16]

“Next thing I know you’re clubbing with Jeremy”

Jeremy:

#thebachelorette

[kathleen @kathleen_hanley]

jonathan watching the episode and realizing that devin and marcus both went golfing with jesse palmer #TheBachelorette