Kurt Peters

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Have a 2 and a half hour delay, so sitting in the Delta Sky Lounge. Went to grab a snack and grabbed a double chocolate chip cookie. Took a bite and it was oatmeal raisin. At least the beer is cold.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Getting our butts kicked in bowling by a 4 year old.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Driving home from the lake.

Wife: can dogs have Cheetos?
Me: Probably not
Wife: I’m going to give them one anyway

Guess who got to clean orange dog vomit out of the car’s rear air vents when we got home?

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Another quote from tonight: Certain men of a certain age remember certain songs.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Another quote from tonight: What is that toilet water looking Smurf juice you have there?

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Random quote from tonight: I don’t know what happened. Her boob accidentally ran into my hand!

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

I got some strange looks when I accidentally misgendered my friend’s dog.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Very few things in life bring me as much joy as watching a 4 year old girl sing karaoke to Eminem’s Houdini.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Even though she’s a vegetarian, my wife was kind enough to bring me some bbq ribs last night for lunch today. She threw them in the fridge and said “they threw some sauce in this bag.” So I heated them up and go to plate it. Open the bag, and they gave her Ketchup. WTF.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

What is the definition of willpower? I was at a work happy hour, and when the cheese curds were passed, I only took one.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Went to grab lunch with my brother. Ordered an Arnold Palmer. Server says they don’t have them. No worries, I’ll just have an Iced Tea. Server comes back a few minutes later, says “I just learned I can make it myself!”

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

I tell people I’m a jeans and T-shirt kinda guy, but I’m really a shorts and hoodie kinda guy.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Had some family in town and decided to do a taco bar. Asked the wife to pick up some pico de gallo. We’re putting everything out and she goes “I messed up… I bought PICKLE de gallo.”

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Me to wife: Want to see Cirque Holidaze at Christmas? It was really fun last time we went
Wife: Sure, but I’ve never been to that before
Me: Yes you were, 2 years ago
Wife: Prove it
Me: Here’s video of you onstage during the show that I posted online
Wife: Oh. MAYBE you’re right

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

My wife torturing the poor dog

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Last night I was rambling on about some total bullshit. I asked the wife if I was annoying her. Wife: “No. I quit listening a long time ago.” Me: “So… Since shortly after you said I do?”

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

I was walking the dogs the other day, when a woman drove by, rolled down her window, and yelled “cute!” I am 100% going to assume she meant me and not the dogs.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

Sphinx cats are so passé. I want one of these.

[Kurt Peters @xtroengineer]

@LawlessPR Wasn’t a hard sell. But we’ve seen Blue October live at least 5 times and haven’t heard King live yet.