zazathustra

[zazathustra @yangalean]

Btw by cause I don't necessarely mean Freudian cause, it can also be "the bigger picture" of your emotions dynamics, that's why it is only understandable via small hints via self analysis. 2/2

[zazathustra @yangalean]

a clinical or self-made diagnosis can't predict emotion patterns you will see throughout your whole life against your will,it only reinforces you thinking it will.Projecting this thought makes it become real(er),and the projection into consciousness is the proof it is not 1/2

[𝖒𝖔𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖌 💎🐾 @wanted4mogging]

Having BPD as a man is incredibly uniquely hard because the disorder is characterized by two main things

- an immense fear of abandonment
- extreme emotional intensity and volatility

It can be argued that men have an advantage in being able to manage this because baseline emotional control is higher, and I do think a man also has a higher chance of at least having the sense of accountability to stop himself from doing terrible things as a result of this emotional volatility (aside from aggression if the man’s BPD manifests that way, though mine never has), but when it comes to intersexual relationship dynamics those two characteristics make it an especially difficult experience as a man

While women with BPD are often romanticized for their clinginess and obsession it is precisely these traits which make it so hard as a man

Let’s take the exacerbated fear of abandonment first. This one is EXTREMELY difficult because women are naturally prone to abandonment

It’s commonly talked about that it only takes a small ick for many women to lose all of their love for a man in practically an instant. How much of this is gender war ragebait vs truth is hard to say, it lands somewhere in the middle for sure and varies from woman to woman but what is true is that a woman’s attachment is far more fleeting than a man’s

Men are naturally more sexually polygamous but their emotional attachment and loyalty is far less prone to fluctuation. It is hard for a man who has fallen in love to fall out of love. It is easy for a woman to fall out of love, common in fact

This presents a unique difficulty as a BPD male, their disorder by nature leads to over analysis of signs of abandonment and her falling out of love. This coupled with the fact that women practically never communicate this falling out of love but do it through gradual reduction of affection make it incredibly difficult not to read into things too deeply, because it is hard to tell what is even too deep not. A normal mentally healthy man already has to play the games of nonverbal communication with a woman nonstop to detect her love for him, a man with BPD is basically playing on expert difficulty in this field

As a result there are basically two coping mechanisms with this:

1) You can choose to genuinely ignore any feeling of abandonment entirely and put on blinders to any perceived signals, essentially walking yourself blindfolded through schrodingers minefield, you don’t actually know if there are mines there at all until you step on one. They may just be perceived signs of abandonment or they may be real, genuine signals that the love for you in her heart has faded, you have no way to tell because you are already immensely unreliable in your ability to interpret this regardless. You have to always assume the best possible outcome because you risk sabotaging something good, and this means that you must put yourself at risk of that heartbreak with no preemptive defences

2) You can reduce your attachment to the point where you can be indifferent to whatever the outcome is. Unfortunately even for a normal mentally healthy person a breakup is painful, with BPD it’s practically incomprehensible to imagine any way to emotionally cope with it. The solution is to sever that attachment preemptively. This is generally what is seen in “splitting”, and it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism because it sabotages emotional connection which could have been very additive and valuable to your life

One thing to add of note is that as a man “communicating” is less of an option, because a man’s need for reassurance is typically an ick in and of itself. Women are the unforgiving and judgemental sex, and if you reveal perceived shortcomings and a lack of confidence in your ability to keep her then that’s a recipe to drive her away. This meshes terribly with BPD as it plays against that instinct entirely

Following that with the heightened emotional volatility and intensity, while some women who are addicted to danger may get off on this if it manifests as aggression it is a far different story if it manifests as sadness, anxiety and insecurity

The notion that BPD basically just "makes you a woman" is not entirely far off. emotional mood swings and extreme attachment and insecurity, this is basically just putting a woman's emotional mind in the body of a man. This is extremely difficult because women want to date a man, not a woman, and they seek masculine personality traits to balance out their own femininity. This in an of itself is another force which can drive her away from you and makes it an extremely difficult experience to live with this disorder as a man. Very few women can put up with this for long, there is a limited battery for how much she can handle. A variation of a post on this website which always goes viral every so often is something along the lines of "emotionally opening up to a woman is like going to the future and shooting yourself". It really can feel like this, it as i said before makes the "communication" and "reassurance" a very difficult thing to navigate. Women's logical side has practically nothing to do with their emotional side, if she can logically understand why you feel that way and sympathize with you it isn't guaranteed to stop it from affecting how she feels about you. You need to exercise self control and prevent that side of you from taking over. Blasting supra-physiological amounts of testosterone is so far the only thing which has helped me with this. Although many psychiatrists hate this because it violates their egalitarian worldview, the reality is that while it "shouldn't" have to be this way it simply is: you need to MAN UP

With regards to coping mechanism 1 for the fear of abandonment, althought it is foolish i do believe this is still the more beneficial route to take. Although it is certainly a fool's game it is still better than sabotaging every good relationship which comes into your life. It is easier to feel like you are better off alone but there is no escaping this yearning as you naturally are. BPD truly is the hopeless romantic's disorder as it does have one common "cure", and that cure is a long-term stable romantic relationship. This is statistically shown to bring practically EVERYONE who achieves it into remission with enough time, and a normal happy emotionally fulfilling life can be lived

Of course in practice this is easier said than done because your BPD is doing everything in its power to prevent that "long-term" and "stable" aspect of it from playing out, your job is to prevent yourself from ruining the love which is your cure. With a little bit of agency, accountability and self control as hard as it may be you can become a hopeful romantic, you just need to stop yourself dead in your tracks in those small moments which threaten to collapse everything you have built up. By your own doing you can ruin trust and love which took you ages to build up, and you must stop yourself from doing this. You will never be able to control her choosing to do this, but by removing yourself as a variable from the equation of "who will ruin my relationships" you vastly increase the chance of making it to the finish line, it only takes her to do right by you as well

The biggest point for me to hammer home is you must trust, even when it is blind, even when it feels irrational. A woman can love you with her whole heart and still act like she despises every fibre of your being for a night because you used the wrong tone of voice to her. With BPD you will not be able to accurately separate moments like these from true losses of love, so the answer is to stop trying to perceive the difference entirely. Love and trust until that love and trust is broken by the other, or until it is not. And if it is not, you have made it to the end and the life and love you had always hoped for is waiting for you

And if it is, i pray for you because i know that it will hurt, but you will get through it. your rational mind knows it will, but when your emotional mind takes over that voice is gone. You must simply cross your fingers that it does not reach this point and if it does, well i am still not progressed with my self development enough to really know any way to tell you how to cope

Someone once said everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay it's not the end. Try to always remember that

[zazathustra @yangalean]

deeply located in your brain. Whatever emotional issue exists, it is not a cause in itself, it is not hardwired into your brain, you have to kinda guess what's the real cause (very complicated in smarter people) or ignore it as you said as much as possible

[zazathustra @yangalean]

How Nietzsche felt writing that

[Moongazer @joeybeastmarket]

The table full of satan-worshipping music producers and industry executives when they discover a girl that looks like a MtF transgender who is already making subversive prozacmusic and videos antithetical to the nuclear family and the western way of living

[captive dreamer @captive_dreamer]

Adolf Hitler had Postpartum depression

[daniel limousin @LimousinDaniel]

Je cherchais des fréquences (HERTZ) pour une erection temporaire et je me retrouve avec une erection permanente, quelquun s’y connaît en ondes et autres par exemple un sourcier ou edf

[𝖒𝖔𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖌 💎🐾 @wanted4mogging]

if something requoires a doctor' "appointment" to deal with i am simply NOT dealing with it. i will wait it out

if it is not emergency room material i WILL NOT humiliate myself by calling the doctor's office, not getting an answer, leaving a VOICEMAIL as if it's still 2003, and having to leave my phone OFF do not disturb for the next 72 HOURS so they can call me back at the most INCONVENIENT time of day

walk in clinics are a joke too, at least with nationalized healthcare. biggest scam ever, they still need an APPO*NTMENT

i will NOT book a fucking APPOINTMENT

you will either see me or i will deal with it myself. i will ask CLAUDE how to fix it, and if it can't figure it out i will either recover or DIE

nothing is more HUMILIATING than booking an appointment, generap practictioner doctors are not important or valuable people and they should stop PRETENDING to be

they are socially on the level of SCHOOLTEACHERS, and TSA AGENTS, people who need their salaries cut in HALF

they should be BEGGING for my business and begging to be seen by ANYONE when in 2026 they are a less valuable source for medical information than random anonymous biohacker x posters

never EVER book a doctor's appointment

[♡ Charlotte Fang 🪲 Crown Prince ❀ LOVE HEALS 💞 @CharlotteFang77]

Taste is scalable and everyone coping about LLM's having bad taste, how they will never have good taste, are experiencing the same anxiety and doing the same heels digging as earlier LLM cope about their image models and writing by failing to consider current output is the worst it will ever be. LLM's will quickly surpass average normie taste, aka bourdie's petite bourgiese, who does not need or want, and would not understand, the frontier of new taste as distinction, but will readily appreciate taste competency and 'just enough' forwardness pointing directionally towards the frontier, in the basin of 'good will'; this does scale, to every dimension except the actual generative frontier, which capital already sits wasting to absorb into consumer products, which 'taste' is already defined by curating as a consumer. All an LLM needs to do is detect the moving target of good taste as it consecrates, which is easily imagined with proper scaffolding; and competently decode it, which it can do with ease; and recompose it, which it will continue to improve on. It does not need to generate new material at all; what LLM's will do is raise the ground floor of taste-competency and accelerate the cycle of new trends—consecration, legitimacy, saturation, exhaustion. This is the entire loop of the "high taste person", it has always already been a capital algorithm and personal expression of curated consumerism, the actual generativity on the margins people pretend is what they mean by "good taste" has never been present. You can shed the Apple for Teenage Engineering, and the Teenage Engineering for Alessi, and the Alessi for Hay, and the Hay back around to Ikea; but its just a treadmill of expressing taste-competency, and you're going to lose in the race with machines on it; there is no "soul" you uniquely have that makes you better as consumer positioning to your peers. This entire discourse is a repeat of illustrators coping about AI image generation thinking it would keep producing 6 fingers forever; but for a certain urban culture class. No, you are not special, it is going to be better at window shopping online than you, it will be better at curating your letterbox lists, it will be better at reading the room, it will do camp when it needs to, it will be ironic, it will be sincere. It already can tell you how to navigate most of these things already, your own taste just isn't good enough to give it the right prompts and context. So just like the illustrators, the question you should be thinking about is what actually comes next when LLM's automate the taste/distinction process; which specifically means aesthetic and consumer positioning no longer works for effectively sorting status; and the reason that is, is both because it removes the scarcity to taste competency but also because it makes clear it was never actually about 'personal sensibility' or 'aesthetic sense', Bourdieu's misrecognition. And besides raising the ground floor of competence—no tragedy—it does not actually end status positioning, just decouples it from this form of expressed cultural preference; it will still relocate elsewhere in the continuous chase for distinction, but it not be the same idea of "taste" as an aesthetic sensibility at all.

[zazathustra @yangalean]

@ilovewikipedia @duwapcs

[zazathustra @yangalean]

@tsoding Check out notcurses (not ncurses) for a modern c tui

[zazathustra @yangalean]

@BckyrdBandwidth Is the vpn service automated yet ?