Jonathan Carlson

[Jonathan Carlson @yankees_suck]

@FDSportsbook when does the early token for US Open pay out?

[Nikki Limo @NikkiLimo]

Hear me out: we make new “Amish” towns, but instead of 18th century customs it’s just the 90’s forever. There’s Blockbuster and Pizza Hut, and no social media (but you can use AOL instant messenger).

Lmk when you guys wanna start.

[Chase Passive Income @chasedownleads]

Spoke to a DoorDash driver the other day

He makes $200k a year delivering food

Incredible

Asked him how (seemed way too high)

He makes about 20 deliveries a day

Gets paid an average of $7 per delivery

That’s $35k a year

Plus he delivers on a bicycle so his profit margin is basically 100%

So where’d the rest of the money come from?

Last month he got hit by a truck and got a $165k insurance payout

Love that income hack

Might have to try doing DoorDash myself

[Only In Boston @OnlyInBOS]

37,369 American flags have been planted on Boston Common ahead of Memorial Day.

Every single flag represents a Massachusetts service member who gave their life defending our country, from the Revolutionary War to today.

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Too on point not to share, “Aussie reply to Trump rant about NATO not being there for us.

Mate. You run a country with 600,000 homeless people sleeping on the street tonight. A country where 40% of adults can't cover a $400 emergency without borrowing money. A country where insulin costs more than a car payment and people are rationing it to survive. A country where medical debt is the number 1 cause of bankruptcy. A country where women are dying in hospital car parks because doctors are too scared of abortion laws to treat a miscarriage.
You lock up more of your own citizens than any nation on earth. More than China. More than Russia. More than North Korea. The land of the free has 2 million people in cages, and a quarter of them haven't even been convicted of anything. They're just too poor to make bail.
Your life expectancy is going backwards. You're the only developed nation where that's happening. Your infant mortality rate is worse than Cuba's. Your kids do active shooter drills between maths and English while you sell the gunmaker's stock to your mates.
Your minimum wage hasn't moved in 15 years. You've got teachers working 2 jobs and veterans sleeping under bridges and you just spent a trillion dollars flattening a country that didn't attack you.
And you’ve got a convicted felon, adjudicating raping, paedophile protecting, porn star shagging insurrectionist running the biggest dumpster fire war campaign since the Taliban thanked you very much for losing again.
And you're calling Greenland poorly run?
Greenland has universal healthcare. Free education. One of the lowest incarceration rates in the world. Nobody goes bankrupt there because they got sick. Nobody dies in a waiting room because their insurance said no.
"NATO wasn't there when we needed them." When exactly was that, champ? September 11? Because NATO invoked Article 5 for the first and only time in history FOR YOU. Soldiers from dozens of countries deployed, fought, bled, and died in Afghanistan FOR YOU. Australia wasn't even in NATO and we still showed up. For 20 years.
And you pulled out at 2am without telling anyone and left them to deal with the mess.
So maybe before you start calling other countries poorly run, have a look at your own backyard, you spray-tanned aluminium siding salesman. The only thing poorly run in this picture is your fucking mouth. Credit (borrowed from) Jim Scroggins - original author 📷 unknown”

[Vince Langman @LangmanVince]

The late, great Norm Macdonald's Las Vegas joke. 😂

[LateNighter @latenightercom]

SNL's Colin Jost on Iran: "This attack might be a bad idea, I don't know. I'm not really an expert on Iran. So let's hear from someone who can explain why we might have done it."

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Now that Obama’s poll numbers are in tailspin – watch for him to launch a strike in Libya or Iran. He is desperate.

[FanDuel Sportsbook @FDSportsbook]

This would be a Seahawk fans worst nightmare 🤣

#SBLX | #NFL

[Brian Allen @allenanalysis]

🚨🇺🇸 BREAKING: Protesters in Los Angeles just projected an anti-ICE video onto a building.

And it wasn’t just any building.

It was Twin Towers, an ICE-linked detention facility where LASD actively collaborates with ICE for deportation screening.

This is what resistance looks like when people stop pretending everything is normal.

[Ed Krassenstein @EdKrassen]

BREAKING: @AOC just completely went off on Trump after ICE murdered Alex Pretti.

"Donald Trump [is] accusing a Veteran Affairs ICU nurse (Alex Pretti) as being a terrorist against the United States. A man who was treating services members to our country, who was dedicating his life to serving Americans. Who in his final act on this earth was helping a woman pushed to the ground. And they are calling him a Domestic Terrorist, in order to defend their gross abuse of power, their absolute breaching of the law and in order to precipitate greater conflict."

[Bob Lonsberry @BobLonsberry]

Yesterday in Minneapolis was an execution. I'm a Trump voter, I support ICE, criminal aliens need to be deported & these protesters are a pain in the ass. But that was an execution. An American citizen engaged in the exercise of his civil liberties was executed by federal agents.

[Joon Lee @joonlee]

I’ve got a whole new appreciation for the Adam Vinatieri Snow Bowl kick now

[FanDuel Sportsbook @FDSportsbook]

Josh Allen will win o/u 1.5 Super Bowls in his career.

❤️ for OVER
🔁 for UNDER

[Joakim 🌹🇳🇴🇪🇺 @joakial_]

Donald Trump: “Why can’t we have some people from Norway?”

As a Norwegian, here is my answer:

In Norway, we have permanent employment guaranteed by law, collective wage agreements, and strong unions.

In the US, you can lose your job overnight, without any reason.

In Norway, you can be sick without being financially punished.

In the US, getting sick can mean losing both your pay and your job.

In Norway, we have the right to paid holiday, leave, and a secure pension.

And healthcare and education are free.

In the US, much of this is up to your boss—if you are lucky.

And this is not a coincidence.

It is the result of ordinary people standing together, organising, and fighting for these rights.

So no thanks, I am not moving to get worse rights.

I will stay and defend the working life we have built here.

[Marco Foster @MarcoFoster_]

Dave Matthews: “I don’t want my taxes to pay for ICE masked thugs to roam our streets and terrorize our communities. Renee Nicole Good, murdered in the streets. He shot her three times in the head. Murdered in cold blood. These people are trying to tell us not to believe what we see. Fuck ICE”

[Only In Boston @OnlyInBOS]

11 years ago tonight, Julian Edelman threw his first NFL pass.

It went 51 yards for a TD to Danny Amendola.

Patriots beat the Ravens 35-31.

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

I was holding a bottle of Paul Newman salad dressing when my niece asked me who Paul Newman was. I told her he was an actor, basically the Brad Pitt of my mom’s generation. Then she hit me with, “Who’s Brad Pitt?”

If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the senior center eating applesauce.

[ClubWPT Gold @ClubWPTGold]

🚨 WE'RE DUMPING 30K CHIPS AT NLHE🚨

🕓4PM - 6:00 PM PT

Look for the 🎁 in lobby, follow below for updates👇

[Vala Afshar @ValaAfshar]

The climb is never easy. You may fall. You simply get better at doing the harder.

Enjoy the climb, appreciate the view, respect the companionships, and do it with dignity and grace.