Eve

it was never that serious to me personally

[Eve @yeah_eve]

God spoke to me and He said I was allowed to have three more nilla wafers 🥹

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Does anyone know how I can get in contact with post Malone I have a very serious request

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Lookin to get together a team of 4 people to go ice skate bowling with a frozen turkey. Lmk if interested

[Eve @yeah_eve]

My doctor saw the lower half of my face for the first time today and said my smile was so pretty :)
coincidentally she also saw my asshole for the first time today and it did not evoke the same response. It got me a referral for a specialist :/

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Perfect :)

[Eve @yeah_eve]

I don’t wanna work, I’m going to Pennsylvania to feed the fish instead

[Eve @yeah_eve]

The AT&T man asked if he could use my bathroom and I forgot that the water was turned off for repairs and he flushed the toilet and I heard him go “oh wait what the fuck?” And then he went to wash his hands and it was just a burst of air lmfao

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Alright I’ve had enough of this abstinence shit. Who wanna deflower me???👀

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Elon musk is for people with autism and I won’t elaborate

[Eve @yeah_eve]

For probably a year now I’ve had my alarm play I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash instead of that siren shit and it rly changed my entire perception of mornings

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Yesterday I went to the er and I’m just now realizing that I said no when they asked if I’ve been hospitalized in the last year... I forgot that I had a baby 10 months ago

[Eve @yeah_eve]

@hannahrexy I appreciate your concern but the doctors said I should be fine 💖

[Eve @yeah_eve]

I’d like to take a moment to clarify that I just don’t like the blonde ones… the ones with the eyes 👀

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Saw a loose golden doodle and I almost stopped but then I remembered how human they are and I kept driving

[Eve @yeah_eve]

If the “worn out” shirt doesn’t have holes in the armpit? I KNOW it’s not authentic.

[Eve @yeah_eve]

I wonder how my roommate from the looney bin is doing

[Eve @yeah_eve]

Bailey is coming on my family vacation and she goes “okay I got my big jar of whole pickles, a couple of half frozen half thawed chicken breasts, and some strawberries, do I need anything else?”

[Eve @yeah_eve]

@hannahrexy You’re the only mother fucker in this town who gets me