Yoni Downs

Founder of DeadEnd Comedy, Co-Founder of The Negroni Show Podcast. I put on live shows & online content. @deadendcomedy on IG

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Somebody just ordered a virgin sex on the beach... remaining that cocktail the Sandy Dry Hump

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Temperature’s been slaloming up and down while the “it’s about to rain” feel won’t go away. Which god do I have to blow to get a breeze out here?

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Father’s Day is being hijacked. Pedestrians! This is not national stroll-intothebikelane day! Unless of course you’re a father, then i guess by all means walk into traffic

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

@kanyewest should be allowed back on Twitter so that I can call him Ye-dolf! @elonmusk you don’t get to shield him... fair is fair!

[Quentin James @QJames]

Stop what you’re doing and watch this complete takedown of @HerschelWalker by pastor @jamalhbryant. #WeDontNeedAWalker

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Gonna start a new show about people trying to make noise out of whatever’s in front of them... called America Wants Talent

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

When the war in Ukraine was about to begin there were 2 articles right next to each other in the @washingtonpost . One was about Ukrainians bracing for what was about to happen. The very next article was about people named Alexa being upset that Amazon screwed up their name...

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

So... women SHOULDN’T get abortions that would’ve protected them from having a child they don’t want to raise, but teachers SHOULD get guns to protect themselves from a child that apparently nobody wanted to raise?

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

On a bus from Portland to NYC and trying not to catch Covid, but the woman next to me started coughing and then my laptop shut down.

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Cocktail of the week-
The Man-groni
A Negroni with a masculine twist

Gin, Campari & Sweet Vermouth, garnished with one whole chorizo

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Mental illness is everywhere. It may not run in your family, but better believe it jogs

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

There is a quality in Queens that I could never put my finger on until I spent the time, but now I have it- disdain...

Residents of this borough seem to relish reminding me that I’m not special & there is no hope.

Fine, I accept that but can y’all at least learn how to drive?

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Hey bridge and tunnel crowd- don’t forget... if you’re from Riverdale it’s pronounced it “Bridge and Tunélle”

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

And the verdict is in... definitely starting a dating app for kinky Jews called Mazel Tops & Bottoms

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

New Kendrick tune is wild. All of these archetypes presented so well lyrically. And yet I still want to see Michael Che do a parody video where instead he keeps transforming into Colin Jost

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Just walked by a tennis court and overheard a woman while playing...
“is your ball not worth retrieving, because you just called me balls girl”

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Just read that the official position of the Kremlin about the situation in Ukraine translates to “Crimea River”

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Sick of people on the MTA walking up to an empty seat & standing in front of it. And then got the nerve to look at me funny when I want to sit down, like “bruh my knees need a porch!”

#balcoknee

[Yoni Downs @yoni_downs]

Andre- the beer of Champagnes