youhas: alive.

Rank amateur dork-of-all-trades. Less amateur at Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Bay Area person forever. Nicely doughy cis white male paired-off dude! 🤘He/him.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

"WHO HURT YOU? MY OWN EXPECTATIONS" hits far too close to home for my tastes.

[mimi⁷ @sketchmimi]

@XiranJayZhao went to china a couple years back and i still have (crappy) pictures of my favorite shirts

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

Did you know that ammonia toxicity was a thing? It very much is. (Enjoy laxatives! Poop out all toxins!" is the workaround.)

Attaching a couple of texts sent when I was 98% out of my gourd.

How did I even operate a cellphone in that state? It's terrifying.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

@KarimalaKaya @accidentalflyer @genecowan @daily_pool @morgfair No! But it really should!

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

@genecowan I don't wish ill upon anyone. No matter your actions in life, you shouldn't meet your end by ramming into a mountainside.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

@KarimalaKaya @accidentalflyer @genecowan @daily_pool @morgfair I remember that crash vividly. Among trivia nerds like me, it comes up in questions about "celebrities who survived to see this millennium."

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

I didn't realize that in "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" that THE WIFE places the initial ad.

I thought the guy was just being a sleep-around cad. But no: it was more of a mutual fatigue deal.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

I didn't even realize it was Pride Month.

I'm a cishet dude. But the very least I can do is try to improve the world with my privilege.

I'm not in a location with a ton of ostracized runaway teens. But they can crash on my ottoman and steal my wifi for as long as needed.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

"A-level managers surround themselves with A-talent."

I'm not a moron. I can hold my own.

But I am so grateful for my friends. Many of them are better than me at so many things. But I would rather be surrounded by greater lights than be a big fish in a small pond.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

I keep snoozing for for like 14 hours/day.

I'm not saturated with booze. I basically have nothing going on outside of my body trying (unsuccessfully) to generate a new leg.

It turns out you cannot create a new foot no matter how hard you yell PIEDRA NOVANTA at yourself.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

"140F. You can keep your hand on a brick of metal forever at that temp. Hotter and no deal."

11yo me needed to know this, because Reasons.

But now Adult Me can ballpark just how molten my Hot Pocket is! Score.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

I need a name for my Aussie ballplayer. Please advise.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

@inthefade Yeah, gays don't do recruiting. If someone shows up at my doorstep with "Have you considered letting an other man's penis change your world?" I'll eat one of my numerous hats.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

May have found a cooking delivery service I'm happy about! No weird delivery mins - "enjoy this cubic yard of root vegetables!" Cheaper than DoorDash. Pig-simple cooking instructions.

Cannot give my stamp of approval to anything too early. Will keep trying it, report back.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

I have repeatedly told her that my primary concern is insufficient hydration. You can die of thirst in like 3 days. Just surround me with my body weight in sugar-free beverages. These cans of Dr. Zevia will stop me from dying.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

My helper person is lovely. The Filipina replacement mom I never asked for.

In traditional mom fashion, she wants me to make sure I have enough to eat in her absence. She has to have seen my paunch? She's aware that "starving to death" would take at least all of June, right?

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

"The same things keep happening? Only common element is you? Might be YOU are the issue at hand."

I cannot successfully maintain a relationship that lasts for over 9 years. Folks quietly tire of me and depart. I am apparently latently toxic. What does that say about me?

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

@Wordweaverlynn You and me both. I'm still mired in place at home, but at least I have more creature comforts, like "the XBOX" and "DoorDash". (Honestly, the ability to acquire a quart of tasty French onion soup at 1am is borderline amazing.)

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

AMOUNT MY PLATINUM-TIPPED INSURANCE CHARGED ME FOR 7.5 WEEKS IN THE HOSPITAL:
$150

AMOUNT I HAD TO PAY OUT TO AIDES THE FIRST FOUR HOURS I WAS HOME:
$160

This is like a weird Kafka fever dream. Someone please make it all make sense.

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

@brianclare At first I scanned that as "my home country" and I was sharing if there was any weird Eurozone porn out there. (I mean of course there IS. I'm just not going to look up "HAWTTT CHIXXX FROM $COUNTRY_NAME_LOCAL" repeatedly.)

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN MY CHILDHOOD HOMETOWN SINCE I LEFT (UNRANKED)

1. had an episode of Hoarders shot there
2. had the Round Table Pizza drop franchise status
3. tried to burn to the ground, unsuccessfully (mostly)
4. the Foster's Freeze was vandalized and closed shop

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

"Be back on the morrow, guv - sit you up, see you right. And no running away during the night!"

WHY DON'T I HAVE TAX DOLLARS DOING THIS

2/2

[youhas: alive. @youhas]

Is there any way for me to sign up to other countries' health plans? The NHS is imperfect. But still:

"What's all this about? Stumpy leg? Dreadful, that. Nigel and I will patch you up right quick. 1/2