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Timmy D
@yourownrisc
Jackassery with a touch of humour.
Saskatchewan, Canada
Joined January 2010
8K
Following
6K
Followers
2.2K
Posts
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
An easy
#HalloweenCostume
for South America? Go as Africa.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
When you see a trampy-looking princess Elsa walking down the street on Nov 1, it's a safe bet you're witnessing a
#halloween
walk of shame.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
The day after
#Halloween
everyone asks each other the same question
#NBA
players get asked often- "How many kids came around this year?"
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
Damn, some of these "kids" are big this
#halloween2015
. One dude just asked me if I could spare some condoms.
Who to follow
Stephanie Parrillo Verni
@stephverni
I share uplifting content to motivate + encourage. Author of inspirational fiction. Read more at https://t.co/iBseO6jnEt
CPW Media
@cpwmedia
Dave Stanton
@DanRenoNovels
Author of the Dan Reno crime/mystery/detective novel series. Snow ski fanatic and action movie fan.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
To scope my abdomen they inflated me like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. I've moved so much gas, Petro Canada offered me a job.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
I love and respect
#nurses
. You have to admire someone who can open a conversation with "Have you had a bowel movement today?"
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
After a few days in the hospital my doctor says my liver enzyme levels are coming down nicely but my lime jello levels are through the roof.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
While brushing my teeth a splash of toothpaste fell onto my bare foot. There's probably a fetish site for that.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
I'm eating Girl Guides mint cookies. Mint comes from a leafy plant thing, so technically I'm eating vegetables.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
Midway through the audio tour at the Drumheller dinosaur museum, I'm starting to realize that my Aramaic is a little rusty.
#PoorChoice
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
Evidently, all that's required to label a gravel path as a "broken pavement road" is a 50-foot stretch of beaten-down asphalt.
#LiesMapsTell
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
After my parents fumbled around their car's nav system for 10 mins, it gave them directions back to the dealership- recommended a 1998 model
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
Road trip with my parents. Mom's gaudy new crystals hanging from rear-view mirror say "Gypsy car- fortunes told and palms read!"
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
almost 11 years ago
Gf is bopping her head to the side to get water out of her ear- didn't appreciate me singing "What is love? Baby don't hurt me!"
#Roxbury
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
about 11 years ago
To my limited knowledge, the Bible seemed to mostly take part in the desert. How ironic is it that Jesus never made a snow angel?
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
about 11 years ago
Any dude cranking his car stereo way up and cruising through downtown midday would trade every decibel for a single hug from his mommy.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
about 11 years ago
Some people are like over-ripe strawberries, and the only way to find the good in them is with a paring knife.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
about 11 years ago
This must be the figurehead off of the drunken pirate ship "The 10 at 2".
#RumGoggles
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
about 11 years ago
These new socks are TIGHT! They must be some kind of "control-top" socks to reduce cankles.
Timmy D
@yourownrisc
about 11 years ago
The hotel waffle maker- like chess- a moment to learn, a lifetime to master.
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