yua

23 | 165 | cw: 14.7 | lw: 14.6 | gw: 14.5

[raye☕️ @ghostivyleaves]

this is how an-bp is for me

[vivi @mooncatvivi]

a very niche type of despair only felt when you are perpetually disgusted with yourself & wanting so desperately to be Anything else yet you cannot escape bc you are yourself and you are forever yourself and stuck as yourself with no reprieve

[mizo ︎︎◝✩ @mizombs]

anyone else feel like they’ll never be able to contribute to society like a normal person because of their mental illness or am i just overdramatic

[yua @yuavix]

does anyone else who’s not technically “short” or petite (like 163cm & under) get called “petite” or short bc ppl think they’re small. like im not petite or short but ppl always think im like 5’2

[yua @yuavix]

i squished my friends arm today bc she was trying to show me something with her joint and im so used to squishing mine and to have a normal amount of muscle and flesh felt super weird and i realize maybe my arm is just not normal idk j thought we were the same size

[yua @yuavix]

for someone who’s bmi 14s i’m literally so swollen and puffy and huge

[yua @yuavix]

i always feel bad so i can’t tell if it’s the ed bc i always feel like this but bc it’s been so long i think every day i will feel bad

[yua @yuavix]

how do u tell if you’re developing gastroporesis

[yua @yuavix]

i don’t even think k look good and i’m not even at 85lb. it’s not a huge difference between 88 and 85 but i know i won’t feel satisfied. i feel so sick these days i remember when i first hit 14s i felt like i couldn’t function and this feeling again

[yua @yuavix]

i realized that i have lanugo i always thought it was just tiny hair bc im not very hairy to begin with and had little body hair in general but felt i was more hairy looking and yea its lanugo. also im freezing in 90 degree weather

[star ☆ ～('▽^人) @mincedporkmeat]

God made me and said you're going to be crazy and have 0 friends and when you do have you will go crazy until no one likes you anyways and then you will live a life of loneliness while you can't even be grown up enough to do things alone

[stew garlic @strwberryvape]

how it feels having the deep seated belief that you're inherently unlovable and insufferable so every friendship you make is just a matter of time until they get tired of you and leave

[yua @yuavix]

my neck hurt so i asked my dad if he could massage it and he did and he got real quiet na dead like “you’re just bones here…no muscle” and he sounded rly sad. i felt so guilty

[yua @yuavix]

bmi 14.7 this morning. i’m like .6lb from lw but this is without fasting

[lila @tuliepi]

i need to be visibly anorexic i want ppl to look at me and know im sick

[yua @yuavix]

i’m getting grossed out looking at me though. but seeing my thighs after working out when it retains water which is like all the time or seeing my puffy face makes me feel so fat

[yua @yuavix]

i’m like 1.2lb from lw wow

[yua @yuavix]

@rrroooiiirrr hm at what point do you realize it’s one or the other? been feeling like this for a while so is it bc i can’t connect with ppl or im aromantic/asexual or both ?

[Kyoosh ☆⌒(ゝ。∂) @Kyoosh]

Im slowly coming back from really long and bad depressive episode and im gonna tell why:

It’s so painful to get back into socialization and see how “normal” other ppl’s lives are. They talk about plans while i barely can be sure i will brush my teeth. It makes you an alien

[yua @yuavix]

dad offered to massage my neck bc i had an injury recently then got weirdly quiet and said i was all bones no muscle to even rub out :/