Matthew Elijah Schwartz

schwartz(he/they)

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

to the lady who flipped me off in the barnes and nobles parking lot— this is not the place to choose violence

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

are you more of a beautiful Italian loaf or a baguette?

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

2b alley reeks of cigarettes. it must be getting nicer out.

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

just watched a guy say to his dog “yo it’s time too poop bud”

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

listening to this tamara on the commuter line

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

Robert Downey Jr? I hardly know her!

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

which zoo is cocaine bear at?

[Misha @mishap__]

Would recommend watching. Highly informative

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

i don’t remember New Jersey smelling like this

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

“i plan on being a stoner icon for women” - mary

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

normalize using the word “stoked” in academic writing

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

borg

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

when r they gonna make GTA take place in New Jersey

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

i’ve competitive eaten one time in my life… your mom yet to recover

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

she butter on my nut till i squash

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

what happened in 1975?

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

who is playing musical theater in the dining haul rn?

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

Operater: Ass fat?

Me: Yeah, I know.

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

in Australia the refer to giving head as eating bush meat

[Matthew Elijah Schwartz @yungmenorah]

just don’t do it