z_09 🖤

- behind the smiling mask
- personal space
Alt account of @Zekurix

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Intrusive thoughts constantly eating me inside....

Idk who to trust ...

Who still cares? ...

I need answers pls T.T

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Funny how it feels like im fading away as i witness people treat me like nothing as i reach out to them, to lend THEM a helping hand

why do i keep subjecting myself to this?....

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

After watching TADC finale, I wonder to myself....

If a true-er version of myself is living a much better life ....

And if the life I'm living is just a less-fortunate copy.....

Can I find a way to enjoy 'my' own life in this less-than-ideal world?

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Realizing that I'm wasting day after day in a constant cycle of livelihood while improving NOTHING about myself

While I constantly rot away till I die forgotten

I need help

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Slowly but surely,

I see myself fading in the eyes of others until I am a stranger to them once again

Is this a typical phase? It's quite painful

I don't wanna leave 🥲 pls

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Another day , I wake up and ask to myself,

When do I start becoming the main character of my story,

And stop being the background supporting character of another's ?

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Lot of my friends are achieving, winning , and smiling thru life...

Really hard for me to smile with them..,..

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

More and more , as time flows by, I see my name fade away from the hearts and minds of the people I cared about

.... It hurts

My time is running out ....

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

@stillyabe That gamemode was nice tho

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Even IRL.... To them I'm just as transparent as ever...

If I were gone , no one would notice a thing

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

More and more I feel so transparent, even my own "friends" seem to treat me like a stranger now
....

Not sure now who to turn to

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Someone please tell me I matter to them

Tell me years in this platform wasn't just a waste of time and energy

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Not sure what to do with my life , not sure which friendships I have made so far are genuine, Not sure if I'm happy with what I'm going at present

Ffs the only thing I'm probably sure of is that I'm never gonna be confident with anything in life

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

What would happen if we could see how much we are valued in the eyes of others?

..... Would be helpful so I can stop following those treating me like a stranger

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

The more I see the people around me achieving great things , accomplishing dreams , creating milestones, and then moving on..

I wonder if I have yet done anything that makes me memorable, if I have made any impact to anyone,

Will I be able to do anything ? Before it's too late?

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

I low-key look forward to the day I stop tiring myself with all the extra effort I do and worrying what other people think / feel

...

Maybe then I can truly be free

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

If all the good I"ve done in the world was done by someone else

Would there be a difference?

Cause I can just stop and it seems like the world will not give a f***

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

@stillyabe

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Stayed up waiting , to be there until I just realized I missed the whole thing

and now whatever I did just feels like an afterthought now

The world really wants to tell me "you mean nothing" while just fucking up the little spurces of joy I have left huh?

[z_09 🖤 @z_mk_09]

Vanguard vent of the day:

If you are the type of player that will just slow play the hell out of a game just because you can't win , and force a double loss

I hope the same amount of time you spent slow-playing is the same amount of time deducted to the lifespan of your family