Ted Danson with the Devil

Professional Taco Buyer

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

Change the White House to a 2 bedroom/1 bath home with Cricket Wireless internet and then we will see who really wants to be president.

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@choptopmoseley we have the same birthday! How rad is that!?

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@kerrymyers_ Smokin!

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

How much should a tattoo that is this cost?

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

Ted Cruz sounds like a full blown alcoholic. I hope he gets help soon.

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@CrownAndJoke That’s why I go straight to the stair master

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

150 days cigarette free. If a stupid idiot like me can do this, then I a smart person like you can too. #onedayatafuckingtime

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

Thinking about chasing the dragon today.

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@timheidecker put on a hell of a show tonight and his merch manager was the nicest person ever.

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@timheidecker How did you update this while on stage?????

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@LucasRoss So quickly

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@timheidecker any chance I could get my vinyl of WTBHD signed? I couldn’t afford the vip access

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

I get to see @timheidecker tonight in OKC. On Cinema at the Cinema and What the Broken Hearted Do have both gotten me through some rough rough times. Can’t wait to give tonight 5 bags of popcorn and maybe a little microphone.

[Frontier City @FromtierCity]

@zachsmithcomedy -take off work
-buy tickets
-reschedule because park is closed
-go on your actual day off
-get stuck on ride
-leave yearning for something more

A truly authentic Frontier City experience

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@FromtierCity I took off last Wednesday and bought tickets only to realize on my way out the door about the weekend bullshit. Then I got stuck on the Lasso Sunday. Bring back the Terrible Twister

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

Decided to get rid of my beard for the first time in almost a decade after hitting a weight loss milestone. The mustache stays. 40 here I come.

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

Superstore has been one of the best surprises. This is a new comfort show, 100%. Also I got stuck on The Steel Lasso today. @FromtierCity

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@daniellesteel can you say hi to my sister Alicia for her birthday? It would put me in best little brother category for life. Thanks if you can and no problem if you can’t!

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@JoshLatheComedy This is a great time to go for a walk and get about 6 minutes away from home on foot.

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

I found out what my body fat percentage was today. I didn't know what a good number was supposed to be. When he told me I just looked at the ground and shook my head and apologized for wasting his time.
I was so embarrassed.
It was 19.4%.
I’m a moron.
#iveneverbeenhealthy

[Ted Danson with the Devil @zachsmithcomedy]

@PicturesFoIder @YellowbirdSauce