📼

[📼 @Zaesthetick]

I almost crash every time I pass it from laughing too hard

[📼 @Zaesthetick]

There’s a small chain restaurant in the ghetto areas of the city closest to me and it’s called
Ying’s Chinee Takee Outee

I’m not fuckin playin

[Jonzzy @jonzzy]

me too man me too

[lacey ⸆⸉ 🐍 @repusnaketion]

my last dog hated liberty mutual so much he would bark at the tv and attack the tv everytime a liberty mutual commercial came on. and i have to say, i’m really happy for him that he isn’t alive to see liberty bibberty. that’d be his final straw

[peachy! ⋆˚✿˖° @peachy_pages_]

I unironically used the phrase "are you flushing what I'm shitting" in a convo with my brother today and I saw him whip out his phone to write it down

[julian @YEAROFTHEWIZARD]

i dont wanna jinx it but i may have just found a free way to pour dirt and creek water into your mouth with a funnel

[A24 @A24]

What's gonna happen to white people when Breaking Bad is over?

[Chris @citehchris]

drunk guy just walked up to a table and goes “you know what i’d like to buy you guys?” they asked what. he said “not a god damn thing” let out the biggest belly laughed and walked out the door lmao

[Angelo @ballsniffer1999]

Tried wearing a hat today, but everyone saw through the charade and noticed i‘m not a hat guy.

Children pointed and laughed, the bold among them even threw rocks at me.

[DiamondsCheat @DiamondsChest]

I’m at Halloween Horror Nights right now, and this kid with autism keeps shitting really loud while putting a Homer plush under the stall to look at me. He’s done it multiple times and I caught it on camera.

[Pisser Dick @PisserDick_]

Dont ask a white boy about the scariest gaming easter eggs

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

Adult shoes
Not for sale!
I’m WEARING them

[BIG DEB @DiscoDebbie1]

Last night I dreamed i was sat next to a ~7ft retarded guy on a plane and he was saying shit to me like “I’m scawed of pwanes. Do you think the pwane will cwash?” And while I was trying to calm him a lady over the speaker announced there was a passenger pretending to be retarded

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

The bus driver kicked me off the bus because my arms were weird. Your arms are not natural to your body, he said, pay the fare again and leave. His hand was on his holstered gun. My card declined. I heard people telling him Thank you. The mayor was there

[Horse slug @horseslug]

top 10 black forest ham moments

[FlikFlax. - Follow Me. im so wonderful @FaZeFlik]

bugs bunny with his nob out:

[redrum @griffisu]

wanna know why some of you have anxiety? it’s cause you’re in trouble like big trouble and someone’s coming to get you

[x_c4tb0y_x @vampiric_shirin]

in america if you stop at a gas station in the middle of nowhere you can buy powerful artifacts

[Narrlocke @Narrlocke]

Holy shit I havent been able to breathe for like 15 minutes