𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲

universe's most ambitious yet least successful con artist

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Her pussy is the leanest cut roast beef sandwich I've ever tasted and that's the tweet

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Check out my 🌶️ page!

[Peachy @pumpmypeachxo]

Late night photo-shoot 😋
https://t.co/3c7ATeCVHI

[☁️y @Slime0sama]

I cannot believe substance abuse and casual sex didn’t fill the void in my soul

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

The color pink really do be doing some crazy shit to my X chromosomes

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Sisterhood is texting your sister a question every few weeks and never getting a response

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

My favorite thing about being an aide for the elderly is that when we do a puzzle together I have free range to absolutely smoke them with my superior motor functions and fertile mind

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

"The speed limit is just a suggestion trust me"

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

I put on a clay mask but it got too tight to remove without ripping my skin off so I'm just sitting here trying to soak it lookin like Harvey dent

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

@taulpall64 I said bowl and spoon because I assume it's macaroni noodles

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

I had a dream where I was at a bar in like London or Japan or something and we were standing outside smoking when someone pulls out an envelope filled with sheets of acid and dude did I get so excited

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Slept a blissful 12hrs only to wake up at 5am to my cat pissing on his scratcher

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Hey chat, how do I find the will to live? (no borax no glue)

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Having to explain to your father why you couldn't go to an ugly male chiropractor is just so embarrassing

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Highly personal is fucking right delete this

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Did Brad mondo go to like conversion therapy or something ?

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Hearing Optimus Prime say "punk ass deceptacon" is like if my grandfather called something "cunt"

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

All I said was hello

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

No revenge because it's clear how your family treats you with you acting like that

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Stanley Tucci being married to a woman 21yrs younger than him is so cunt

[𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓲 @zaheerwasrightt]

Just harassed my ex on instagram and the anxiety of it all gave me IBS because I hate him so much