specialk

I was never breastfed so I inherently hate everyone, not my fault.

[specialk @zanychronic]

Wished death upon someone who didn’t yield properly and yelled I love you at McDonald’s because I don’t know shit about human emotions anymore

[specialk @zanychronic]

The best deep fake I’ve ever seen is when someone made one of me enjoying life

[specialk @zanychronic]

You ever fart right before sitting down to pee and get to put your face directly into your organic fart cloud

[specialk @zanychronic]

My husband is snoring and half of me is like aww he’s in deep REM sleep I’m glad he’s getting rest and the other half of me is like smother that bitch until he’s motionless

[specialk @zanychronic]

Do y’all remember the smell of vacuuming

[✞✞✞ @Why_not_tweet]

They understood the assignment 😂🤣

[specialk @zanychronic]

When people block their baby’s face in photos it’s like… We already know it’s ugly. No need to draw more attention to it

[specialk @zanychronic]

Abortion should be mandatory, not illegal

[specialk @zanychronic]

Just saw someone in their car pick their nose with a tissue… Gross!!!!!! Just use your finger

[GOAT @goatwhore666]

I wrap presents like a left handed thalidomide baby with severe Parkinsons.

[specialk @zanychronic]

Generally speaking, girls named Maddy are annoying and psychotic but they give good head

[specialk @zanychronic]

Did we just start with X or were there generations A-W?

[specialk @zanychronic]

Got a little too rambunctious on the toilet seat and my bidet shot me right in the coccyx

[specialk @zanychronic]

I think chrissy teigen dressing up as the robot from squid game looked more racist than ariana grande tbh

[specialk @zanychronic]

Twitter should rename itself to “thought police” and instead of a little bird make the logo a bleeding asshole

[specialk @zanychronic]

Thank you BANKS for spending 1,897 minutes with me this year on @Spotify. You are my #1. #SpotifyWrapped https://t.co/63B4J50QPr love you like a sis I never had who can sing incredibly @hernameisBANKS

[specialk @zanychronic]

People all butt hurt over abortion laws in Texas…Weed isn’t legal here either but you can still buy some fine ass bud from a dude under a bridge who will also kick you in the uterus for an extra $40

[ᏚᎢᎬᎬᏞ ™ @TheWidowmakerX]

Today is a "struggle" day. We all have them; those days where you are at the breaking point and you wonder how the fuck you're gonna get through the day without falling apart

[specialk @zanychronic]

If you want to get to know me you can start by leaving me the fuck alone

[specialk @zanychronic]

I’m like a zebra. People love to look at me but they have no fucking idea how aggressive I am.

[specialk @zanychronic]

I not only need aluminum in my deodorant, I could use some bleach in there and maybe a touch of citrus