Lyle Williams

School Tweeter boiii

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

It's so sad that yawning is literally the only thing you can make someone else do by doing it in front of them first.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Seriously, if you call yourself a psychic and I punch you in the face, you can't complain because you should have seen it coming.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Yes, it is a banana in my pocket. I'm never pleased to see anyone.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

This cup of tea is so hot and steamy, I can’t believe it’s a PG.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

It's so sad when a bee thinks he's part of a swarm, but he's actually trapped in a fairground's house of mirrors.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Revolving doors are great for when you get to work and then decide to go back home the moment you step in the building.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

On your first day in prison, walk straight up to the biggest guy there and hit him with your ten funniest impressions. Instant respect.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

It's so sad that Jesus never really made the most of his carpentry qualifications.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

I hate it when I say something will happen "over my dead body" and then someone kills me and does it anyway.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

The only thing worse than a room full of people wearing sunglasses is the fear that not one of them is secretly staring at me.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Pearl Jam's Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town is still my favourite song about elderly women behind counters in small towns.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

I must be good at photography, because my friends always insist that I take ALL group photos of them.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

FUN FACT: Only one word in the English language is ever pronounced correctly, and that word is correctly.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

I’ve done the work of two men today. Unfortunately, they’re both idiots.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Every time lightning speaks, thunder replies saying "blah blah blah" moments later.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

CHILDREN: Always sleep with a light on. Night monsters get even angrier if they can't see who they're murdering.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

If you love someone, set them free. Keeping people tied to a wardrobe in the spare room rarely ends in marriage.

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

Why does every girl I like have a husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or standards?

[Sixth Form Poet @sixth_formpoet]

If another day goes by without a Matthew, Mark, Luke and John forming a boyband called New Testament, I'm giving up on everything.