zeemonkey

Alabamian. Cynic. Leftist. English Professor. He/him

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@Gagesc God died before Adderall was invented. Wtf you on about

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@GregoryHanners I grow old, I grow old,
I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@NewYorker Yes of course. We got him this time. Everybody knows the 8463rd time’s the charm; we just gotta believe even harder if we want it to be really real

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

There are more beautiful accents, accents that sound more intelligent, and even accents that sound more aggressive. But there are few as objectively terrifying as my own

[Gifdsports @gifdsports]

Jim Cantore got hit by a flying tree branch during hurricane report

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

It is so wild to me that there are literally people out there who can go an entire week and not once think about killing themselves

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

Gumball says “torch” instead of “flashlight”

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@AgathaChocolats Tower of Terror made budget cuts

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@JWhite1192 you should retire to Scotland way before any of that happens

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@TMakitammi and my axe

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

@JWhite1192 download fuboTV and stream it

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

gay

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

maybe one day I’ll have enough money for therapy

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

Every wish made for someone to die comes true eventually

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

Just got a 64-cent tip and was glad to have it

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

I went to college on a scholarship. Little did I know at the time, but it was a slap in the face for everyone who had to pay for school

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

The place in Tallahassee that makes Philly Cheesesteaks is out of Cheez Whiz.

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

Today is the magical day when the streets of Tallahassee transform back into parking lots

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

We don’t throw away Legos. That’s just how it is

[zeemonkey @zeemonkey1]

There are too many people in this country that would rather burn everything down rather than admit they were wrong about a guy