I think from here on ive been doing really good by myself to never let that happen again and to make sure im doing everything for me and to not be manipulated by lustful men who want my body temporarily when it comes to relationships. Im proud of myself in my healing.
It was never my ex that i mourned it was the time and effort i wasted on the lies he made to use my body and love to feed his ego and lust before he used my past to spread lies about me to manipulate our mutuals into thinking his actions were reasonable.
I realize that i put so much effort into people before i figure out who they truly are and in shocks me when i find out they arent who they manipulated me to think they were. Its hard being used and lied to and i think thats something about searching for love thats unavoidable