Jonathan Zempter

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@rgrantjohnson Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to choking hazards.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@MTGSecretLair Booooooo!

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@DisneyLorcana A third set? I still haven't been able to find booster packs for the first two sets yet.

[Cookie Monster @MeCookieMonster]

Me wondering which university would let me get me degree in cookieology? 🍪🎓

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@CrimsonRammbler It does give you a larger non-crust side (41% longer) if you cut diagonally, but the sandwich area and crust length remains the same either way. You can test this by assigning a variable (“C” for crust) to the outside edges and calculating the perimeter and hypotenuse.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@CrimsonRammbler Love Lost.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@Survivor_AU Didn’t he refer to Matt and Flick as “hostages” at one challenge?

[Luna Maria Rey Williams @LunaMariaPaintO]

SIMON WAS ROBBED HIS IMMUNITY !!#SurvivorAU RIGGED !!
Matt still had one left on the table. Observe 👁️

[Elizabeth Warren @ewarren]

It’s no wonder the American people are skeptical of a system that holds millions of struggling student loan borrowers in limbo but steps in overnight to ensure that billion-dollar crypto firms won’t lose a dime in deposits.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

February is that one friend who insists they’re “only 28” until somebody points out they’ve been 28 for the last four years running. #leapyear

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

Super excited to get the hats we ordered all the way from Australia! We’re rooting for you, @simonmee89!

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

I predict at least one joke tonight about @SimuLiu having ten rings. #NBAAllStar

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@CrimsonRammbler Serious Idea: edelweiss (the flower, not the von Trapp song) flowing out of a stein. Other, Half-formed Idea: “Pretzel Neuschwanstein”

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@rgrantjohnson @Cronkite_ASU Congratulations!!

[Nina Turner @ninaturner]

Good.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

Monocles were first invented by a pirate with astigmatism.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

Do British websites ask you to click “Accept All Biscuits”?

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

Toucans are like Penguins: Tropical Edition.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

@CrimsonRammbler I feel like there’s a theme here, but I can’t put my finger on it.

[Jonathan Zempter @zempter]

I keep reading “USMNT” and think it has something to do with ninja turtles.