🚨BREAKING NEWS: Jacinta Allan Declares ANZAC Day Now a “Shared Trauma Circle” Featuring Land Acknowledgments, Vegan Sausage Sizzles, and Race-Based Guilt Offerings
MELBOURNE – In an inspiring display of national self-loathing, Premier Jacinta Allan has successfully transformed ANZAC Day from a solemn commemoration of Australia’s fallen into a progressive interpretive dance about colonialism, oppression, and who can virtue signal the hardest before sunrise.
Witnesses at the Shrine of Remembrance were reportedly shocked when the traditional minute of silence was interrupted by a Welcome to Country, followed by applause, booing, more applause, emotional blackmail, and a surprise group therapy session hosted by Greens leader Adam Bandt (who again refused to stand near the Australian flag “for personal reasons”).
“We now open this space to honour all those affected by systems of colonial violence,” said the emcee, who noted the Welcome to Country would be followed by Acknowledgment of Climate Anxiety, Declaration of Decolonised Gender Spaces, and a touching musical tribute from the ABC Youth Choir: From Gallipoli to Genocide – We’re Sorry For Existing.
Critics noted that while veterans were barely mentioned, the event included:
•A slideshow titled White Australia Has a Black Problem
•Free kombucha for allies
•And a smoking ceremony using carbon-neutral eucalyptus
Jacinta Allan praised the crowd’s “resilience in the face of white fragility,” while Greens senators proposed replacing the Ode of Remembrance with an apology for microaggressions committed during World War II.
“This isn’t about veterans,” said one activist, “it’s about feelings. And land. And centring marginalised voice… especially the ones that hate this country.”
But here’s the truth:
Nobody should be booing Indigenous speakers. But nobody… nobody… should be welcoming veterans to the very country they bled for.
This isn’t about unity. It’s about control. And if we don’t stop it, there’ll be nothing left to remember.
@JacintaAllanMP@AdamBandt
We do not want to follow the lead of these other fruity, lefty countries and destroy the remainder of our manufacturing base.
Renewable energy and net zero is fastest way to bankrupt your country.
The fightback has started.
Aussies are angry about iconic sites being declared ‘off-limits’.
Now - a group is leading a campaign to remove the padlocks.
🎧https://t.co/rbR5WsXkHn🎧