To all young girls who are moving to big cities for the first time, after matric... be careful.
The older men who have been there have years of experience. You're not smarter than them. You're not smarter than the women that came before you.
They will buy you drinks & "expect nothing in return"... they know what they are doing. Trust me.
It's so easy for them not to ask for sex coz they'll get it that evening anyways... from other medium-term & long-term projects they have been investing in, before you.
You're a new project. A gamble. Out of every 10... 7 will come back... like a loyal dog. Free drinks. Free airtime/data. No payback. No request for conversation or sex. Just freebies... who wouldn't want that?!
Of the 7 who keep coming back... 5 will eventually cave in & give up the cookie.
He'll be gentle & won't even rush you. He'll take his time & you'll fall... trust me... the guys there are experienced campaigners, you're the novice debutant entering the lion's den, the shark cage, for the first time...
Khanyi Mbau has said in interviews that men will buy you things, but ultimately, you're the one who pays in other ways...
Stay safe, baby girl. Look after yourself. Remember what you were taught at home. Stay in your lane. Go home when finances or school go sideways.
Don't get caught up in the flashing lights & become second-hand used goods...
...with scars of every man who has entered you, tattooed on your tired, booze-worn face, drug-filled body & exploited lips...
...dying from sexually-transmitted illnesses, raising unwanted babies, a dropout, who has destroyed her own future.
Blessers are not all big, black, ugly sweaty tenderpreneurs, who speak broken English... some are well-spoken, boys' school alumni with corporate jobs, but broken from past relationships, & looking to emulate the wolves that stole the loves of their lives & shattered their hearts, in their younger years...
I love you, baby girl. Please love yourself. There are good men out there. I've seen them. Even when they mess up, they work hard to redeem themselves. Invest in these men.
Be careful of wolves in big cities... stay safe. Money is not everything. Your health, heart & mental sanity are worth so much more...
I love you.
Penuel Mlotshwa
Written 13 October 2017
(Edited 10 January 2026)