Zachary Kohls

I think I'm funny

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

*first day working coat check*

Man comes up and shows me his coat.

Me: "Yup, that's a coat"

Boss: "Hey, I don't think this is going to work out."

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

WAKE UP!!

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

How I train my dragon is, frankly, none of your business.

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

@jablesdotcom I'm always up

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

Got my wisdom tooth pulled today. Doctor said if I leave it under my pillow I can get a rebate.

[cory @coolmathgame_]

[robbing a bank]

me: nobody move.

bank teller: ok

me: put the money in the bag

bank teller: i can’t move

me: fuck

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

Just got on ADHD meds for the first time as an adult.

I can procrastinate so much faster now, it's insane.

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

@JNicolaus3 @amazingmap India is about twice the size of Alaska, Alaska looks bigger because land near the poles looks distorted on these maps.

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

Make sure you Pokemon GO to the polls today

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

What if your house had a key fob like your car and when you pressed the lock button all the lights in the house flashed on and off

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

Normalize calling your manager's manager your grandmanager

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

Found out gasoline has detergent in it but it's a scam. My clothes smell like shit now.

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

*on my death bed* Why didn't I just buy a normal bed?

[cory @coolmathgame_]

maybe if i keep being super awkward and weird around her she will want me

[alex krokus @alexkrokus]

i didn't even consider this as a possibility...

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

@wronghomonym Whoo!

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

I'm in Charlotte for the first time. It's a fine city but there's too many 'Charlatans'

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

@wronghomonym This was my first year doing fantasy football, apparently you're not supposed to draft 4 quarterbacks

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

I wound up being there for 16 hours and cancelled my trip. Luckily @AirCanada gave me 20% off my next flight with them, really made it worth it.

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

Flight got cancelled, the one they rebooked me for gives me a cool 2 hours there before I fly back.

[Zachary Kohls @ZKohls]

I've been racking up a ton of food vouchers though. Tried to use one already and that restaurant didn't take them.