Zoe Grant

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

My waitress tn thought my 13 year old cousin was my son. I am 23.

[Cardi B @iamcardib]

A misunderstanding or April fools? ……find out on the next episode 😉

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

it’s 5:40 AM and I am awake wondering how influencers get health insurance

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Coffee table books are just picture books for adults

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Do not speak to me about sports! The only reason I know who blake griffin is is because of that Broad City episode

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

There’s 3rd wheeling and then there’s discussing health insurance plans via email with your bestie and her gf

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Women should not be given speeding tickets. We have enough to deal with just let us have this.

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Objectively, I am a great person to go to dinner with. I’ll let you pick the restaurant, I’m good at ordering decisively and I’m down to split a bottle of wine. All I ask in return is that you don’t say anything when I unbutton my pants a little towards the end of the meal

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Peas are the working man’s vegetable. They’re humble, they don’t demand glory the way cauliflower or kale does.

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Currently performing while being heckled (practicing my Spanish presentation while the cat screams in the background)

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

if anyone from my group project sees this, im so sorry something came up I don’t think I can make it tonight

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

take my class survey. do it! now! & if u retweet I will give you either a hug or a firm handshake. dealers choice.

Temple University Research Survey - Fall 2021 https://t.co/lx2PffFg3r

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Nothing establishes your dominance as a senior quite like openly sobbing on campus

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

There are too many men on hinge that go on “spontaneous cross country road trips” like I’m starting to think you just missed your exit and kept going

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

well what am I supposed to do with this?

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

I’ve accidentally swallowed 2 bugs in the past month but at the end of the day, that’s what Hot Girl Summer is all about

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Sorry I haven’t said anything funny in awhile, it’s just that my anti depressants are working

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Just got carded buying NyQuil. At first I thought it was an inside joke i was not a part of. Turns out it’s just that NyQuil and meth share a common ingredient. Anyways...hope my cold goes away!

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

It works out well that junior year is the year you turn 21 because drinking is a great way to offset the impending doom you start to feel about post grad life

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

Normalize talking about how the veggies in veggie tales Purim got sex trafficked

[Zoe Grant @zoe_grant_]

How’s everyone’s day going? I will say the quality of mine exponentially decreased when I realized a layer of my mostly eaten sandwich was just paper