zoë

pink eye survivor

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

all fours

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

the accessory of the summer will be the armpit chemical burn i gave myself via natural deodorant

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

they need to do sodom and gomorrah on the grove and the americana/galleria

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

you can take a horse to water and you can make it drink if you say the right words and wear a perfect outfit

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

I thought I was having a stroke

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

@gilbieman Ari’s wandering around trying to find good service to call his wife - only to hang up on her to answer Lloyd

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

When the entourage episode is like E and Vince go to Little Saint James with Harvey Weinstein because they’re opening a new urth caffé there

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

Went on a hike with a straight girl and she took more pictures of me in those 4 hours than my parents have in my entire life

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

Coworker trying to out-woke me because I wear sambas and eat snacks with Red 40. Do not try me, 50% of my friends will be nonbinary by 2030 and your wife’s haircut indicates hate in her heart.

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

Imagine if you took all the city’s meat and put it in a freezer

[Michelle Tandler @michelletandler]

New Yorkers accepted "freeze the rent" without blinking an eye.

But imagine if you took all the city's meat and put it in a freezer.

Would you want to eat it 20 years later? Or even 10?

Would you want to own it?

Freeze the rent = slowly decay housing

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

shev

[osama bin donna is confessing @osamabindonna]

there’s only one artist that can pull this off & we all know who it is

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

my body keeps the score and the scoreboard is spurts of diarrhea

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

sending this to my ex who dealt with my untreated bpd

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

you will be crossing at a crosswalk in los angeles california. and the driver coming towards you will speed up

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

My news resolution is to get back the trash bins my neighbors stole and to always merge like a huge bitch

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

many thought dead salmon on the head was just another microtrend, but it's proving to be a timeless classic. don't be afraid to pull out this staple piece!

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

if you have kaiser permanente be careful. no one's coming to save you. if it's an hmo don't play pick up basketball

[zoë @zoeeeeeeezoe]

feels like Amanda Seyfried is a fanning sister. But she’s just also a good-natured blonde