Zoe Lohnes

Growing old, disgracefully.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

@hankgreen My favorite is No but my second favorite is Plethora

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

Less than a week of owning a dog and I’m definitely loving it and I am not up at 4AM angrily weeping because she won’t use the bathroom outside.

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

My brother was murdered by Jeffrey Dahmer. Here's what it was like watching the Netflix show that recreated the emotional statement I gave in court. https://t.co/PrSGdinjAI

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

In case anyone was wondering, today my “13th reason” was that I thought RENAISSANCE was dropping on June 29th.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

I don’t think my biggest takeaway from watching American Psycho for the first time should be that good skincare can cover major mental health issues but here we are.

[Tricee @mrscapricorn80]

@amherstpoliceny @news4buffalo @BuffaloPoliceNy ……idk how serious Conklin Hero is but just wanted to share

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

Can General Mills/Post do me a solid and change the giant “Family/Mega Size” labels on their cereal to say “Perfectly Normal Size”? Because I will be back every two days for another box and I am the only one eating it.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

My cat doesn’t know much English but I’m confident that he knows the phrase “L’eggo my Eggo” and actively chooses to ignore it.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

I’m not feeling well and I’ve made up a song about it called “Nathan if you’re reading this, I want some tangerine juice from Trader Joe’s”. Pre order on Apple Music and Spotify now.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

Am I in my 20s? Yes. Does the idea of changing any of the regular CBS This Morning anchors send me into an inexplicable rage? Also yes. If you need me I’ll be busy convincing the geriatric inside of me that everything is fine and that I’ll love the new anchors just as much.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

I went from running 13 miles this morning to eating pizza logs in bed. (Don’t) Follow me for more fitness/lifestyle tips.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

Half-Marathon Day - I’m up at 4am on a Sunday, I’m choking on my own sunscreen fumes, and I regret everything.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

@Nate_Dizl84 @buffbeerleague Oh no!!! How disappointing.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

The mob storming the Capitol today knows nothing of oppression or injustice. #BlackLivesStillMatter

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

I wore makeup and stilettos out last night and only saw the friend I made dinner plans with so now that I’m trying to make a quick trip to Wegmans in sweatpants this morning I’m guaranteed to run into everyone I’ve ever met.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

@Untamed_Game @DenoJetson You got it. ☺️

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

*debates buying new set of cat toys because all the “good ones” have disappeared*
*wads up ball of tin foil and drops it on the floor*
*removes new set of cat toys from amazon cart*

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

Okay I know this is what everyone thinks...but I’m telling you I know for a fact that my upstairs neighbors randomly drop bowling balls on the floor for no goddamn reason.

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

I like to play this game while working remote called How Many Times Can I Microwave the Same Stupid Cup of Coffee?

[Zoe Lohnes @zoelohnes]

I just keep adult coloring instead of adult cleaning my house or adult doing the dishes.