zad

[zad @1800zad]

#XbiteSweepstakes pls microsoft give me the x croc

[XBOX @XBOX]

Built to play. Not to pet. Enter for a chance win!

Follow and repost with #XbiteSweepstakes for a chance to win the one-of-a-kind playable XBOX Series X-BITE.

No Purchase Necessary. US/DC/PR 18+. Ends on 11/10/26. Rules: https://t.co/tngcGpYvRR

[bro @scrungeonmaster]

you can feed white people coleslaw out of your hand like they’re a wild horse

[Tech Sales Guy @TechSalesGuy]

“so what’s it like being in tech sales?”

[bri ˚꩜｡⋆₊⊹ @ufobri]

having guy friends is crazy bc i was crying and they told me “lock in” and i did

[Jenni @hashjenni]

notice how we say “girl” when excited and “man” when disappointed

[Pastrami Mommy @ewelannawhite]

shazam but for whatever the fuck goes on in the apartment upstairs

[One Ordinary Girl @audri_em]

The worst part about parallel parking are the witnesses.

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

babe those are the biggest A cups i’ve ever seen in my entire life

[trash jones @jzux]

of course i have a nighttime routine. it’s called 30-75 minutes on my phone

[Nathan Charles, CPA CFA @Risk_Parody]

Sorry I gotta take this

[passed out drunk at the steamboat Arabia museum @GarlicCorgi]

They should turn all these countries into one country

[𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. @im_all_id]

Your email found me putting a fork in an outlet

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

she posted a selfie and i started applying for higher paying jobs i got an interview on monday

[Lindsay @Rollinintheseat]

Pulling my phone up off the floor by the phone charger is the closest I’ll ever come to fishing.

[Maine @maine_gov]

Maine DLC coming soon. we will be invading rhode Island

[Matt. @MattTheBrand]

(morning after drinking 13 gin and tonics in one night) idk i feel weirdly bad

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

(seeing hot girl) Hello... (head turning to look at her dog) (voice raising 2 octaves) Hello!! (her boyfriend jogs up from behind) (voice so low it's almost inaudible) Buenos días,