Cliffy

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

They're over the moon

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the two stranded American astronauts.

It’s called Apollo G

[LemonTrifle💛💛👸 @Lemondrop49]

@RealSirTomJones Superstar Voice and ITV binned @RealTomJones Bloody disgraceful. @ITV expect people to still watch @thevoiceuk No Way. Nobody does the dirty on Our Tom and gets away with it. Itv know where they can stick their channel. #BoycottTheVoiceUK

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

Your predicted text is working fine W*NKS

[Old Salty Marine @BamaSaltyMarine]

You know you're getting old when you walk past a group of queers and not one of them winks at you….

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

Sounds like you had a bit of a fall out

[Old Salty Marine @BamaSaltyMarine]

Tried to show off my new haircut…

But everyone just keeps screaming pull up your pants….

Bunch of ungrateful
bastards….

[Ben Graham @BenGrahamUK]

Where is the COBRA meeting for this?

Nearly 75,000 rapes were recorded by police in England and Wales in the year to March 2026.

That’s 205 recorded rapes every single day.

Yet Andy Burnham chaired a COBRA meeting just two days ago over severe heatwaves.

Protecting women and children from sexual violence surely deserves the same urgency.

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

I used my free gym pass today there were some big hunks in there i asked my personal trainer what machine I should use to attract the ladies he looked at me for 2 seconds and said the atm

[𝗝𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝗿 @JenTakeTwo]

I'm developing a real athletes body.

So far it's athlete's foot and tennis elbow.

😂🤣 #BadJokeFriday

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

Did you strain your eyes

[💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ @BigBearF1]

Look at the eclipse through a colandar they said. How bloody embarrassing….! 😂🤣😂🤣

[Kirstie Allsopp @KirstieMAllsopp]

Very moving piece on @BBCr4today about lack of funding for hospices in the U.K. What they didn’t say is we donate £6.5 Billion to animals charities but just £1.3 Billion to hospice charities. In one county a Donkey sanctuary raises more than double what a Children’s hospice does!

[Allison Pearson @AllisonPearson]

No, Andy Burnham. All parts of the country do NOT need to “play their part” and take hordes of illegal migrants who pose a threat to their communities.
You, and the Government, need to play your part and stop thousands upon thousands breaking into Britain.
Thanks. @andyburnham

[Reform UK @reformparty_uk]

Last day of campaigning.

Tomorrow, the people of Clacton will have their say. 💪

[Basil the Great @BasilTheGreat]

🚨NEWS: The tiny village of Piddington is set to receive its first illegal migrants housed nearby

The village has approx. 300 adults and 50 children

They're receiving 1,250 fighting age 3rd world males

God help them

[Andrew Pierce @andrewpierceexc]

@andyburnham says middle class area must take share of illegal migrants. Why? If they are deported no one has to out up with the law breakers

[Nigel Farage @Nigel_Farage]

230 migrants landed on our shores yesterday.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again.

This is a national security emergency.

[Home Office @ukhomeoffice]

🚨13 more asylum hotels have closed and are being returned to local communities:

Ramada Jarvis Hotel, Loughborough
Chimney House Hotel, Sandbach
Britannia Ashley Hotel, Hale
Gold Thorn Hotel, Wolverhampton
Grand Metropole Hotel, Blackpool
Nottingham Hotel, Nottingham
Grosvenor Hotel, Stratford-upon-Avon
Staycity Apartments Deptford Bridge, Lewisham
Needham House, Hitchin
Holiday Inn Bridgwater
Holiday Inn Express Dunstable
Dubrovnik Hotel, Bradford
Best Western Brook Hotel, Norwich

[Basil the Great @BasilTheGreat]

🚨NEWS: People are saying Andy Burnham’s pledge to protect the public from subscription traps should include the BBC license fee

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

My grandad always poured a pint of Guinness on the lawn that way it came up half cut

[Robert Wilkinson @robertwlk]

My grandad always said the grass is greener on the other side.

It was how he remembered to lay turf properly.

[Cliffy @1cliffgordon]

It said dipped headlights

[Mark 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 @MrMarkW67]

A group of Indian men living in the UK drove a BMW onto the beach without realising how the tide would affect them.

[Andrew Pierce @andrewpierceexc]

Devastating attack on @andyburnham by PC who saw Andrew Harper killed. He says by freeing his killers early he's spitting in the face of police officers. Answer that prime minister?

[💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ @BigBearF1]

Anyone using a colander to watch the eclipse, be careful, you may strain your eyes.” 😎🌒

[Lee Hurst @LeeHurstComic]

Labour is banning the sale of new petrol and diesel cars by 2030.
If that’s what you want, vote Labour.
If you are against this, why are you voting Labour?