A task becomes much easier when the brain knows what counts as finished, because “clean the room” can expand forever, while “clear the bed and put the clothes in the basket” gives the mind a clear deal, and the nervous system cooperates better when effort has a visible ending.
A group of men in Algeria captured a black child and humiliated him:
“You blacks are nothing more than dirty slaves, our slaves. You should be grateful we let you live.”
Nothing comes close to the racism of Arabs and Muslims.
Socially smart people often won’t tell you to your face when they disagree with you because they can sense intuitively that you are too attached to the outcome of the interaction and that you couldn’t handle disagreement. So they will just agree with you… but then you might not hear from them again.
It’s easy to assume this is “fake” when really it’s just what intelligent people do to protect their energy. If you went around saying what you really thought all of the time you’d make way too many enemies, and get in way too many unproductive arguments (cortisol spikes = aging)
Of course the only way to make genuine connections is to say what you really think… but especially if you intend to be deeply involved in society, you must train your intuition to know who can take it.
When a boy reaches the age of maybe around ten, he quickly begins to realize that most of the people around him have no sympathy for him, and any love he gets from anyone other than his mother will be conditional, and that's if he's lucky.
Around puberty, he begins to understand that others will always assume the worst about him, and he has to go out of his way to not draw negative attention to himself.
When he reaches adulthood, he becomes aware that he's on his own, and he will be blamed for anything bad that happens to him, even when he's plainly the victim of some injustice. If his relationships fail, it's his fault. If he becomes homeless, it's his fault. If he is abused, it's his fault.
A man learns that he is, at best, disposable, and at worst, a monster. The mere act of wanting to be loved without "earning" it by being attractive and successful makes him evil. And all the while, he will constantly be told that he's privileged and accused of feeling entitled.
Can you blame a guy for wanting reassurance that the woman who claims to love him doesn't secretly find him repulsive?
I read it somewhere “we romanticised the wrong organ, the stomach is more emotional than the heart” and it feels so true. we feel butterflies in our stomach and when we’re sad we lose our appetite. our stomach gets affected by emotions way more than we realise.
Unlearn shame. All kinds of shame: abuse, unemployment, sickness, vulnerability, longing, desire, mistakes, failures. You need not be ashamed of what you're feeling or living. Freedom and shame cannot coexist.