Sharon Jordan

Nothing is better than having someone as your lover AND your best friend.

[Marth Jacks @L6Ezhinskaya84]

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

[Angela Singh @KhalideBoss]

My bank sent me a letter saying it's the last time they will spend 50 cents to tell me I have 2 cents in my account.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

My mom + My dad - Condom = Greatest person alive.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

SON: I want a knife & a crossbow for Christmas.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

RELATED: Wife getting suspicious of all the little hairs in our vanilla ice cream.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

My cell phone is my watch, camera, iPod, flashlight, calculator, mailbox, and so much more.

[Neva Mudd @91Nyrkovskiy73]

"Because snow isn't cold enough."

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

If you can't win the argument, correct their grammar.

[Flora McCoy @grechishko_ms]

My mind was blown when I realized "OK" is a sideways person.

[Florence Shelton @vgerasimik]

Can you find the mitsake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Retweet if you did

[Patricia Lambert @provvoznesensk1]

Can you find the mitsake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Retweet if you did

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

Nobody wants to be with somebody that's been with everybody.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

Find the Gay person;

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait.. It's the flying fuck I will never give.

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

Dear Michael Jordan please start making condoms so these people will start wearing them..

[Mary Todd @msibilla1]

On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.

[Cindy Underwood @kamyshnyyr]

Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you hear it but you can't see them. Then right when you walk by them, they're quiet

[Sharon Jordan @2016Ismanov]

After an argument, I always think of awesome things I could have said.

[Sandra Golden @zhamnovf]

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.