50 Shades of Gay

Formerly my grandmother's favorite.

[50 Shades of Gay @2unfit]

Hurricane nana smells like Bengay and leaves a trail of balled up Kleenex in her wake.

[jezz @JezziiB]

turns out they could breathe in masks the whole time they just needed the underlying condition to be white supremacy

[Thomas Massie @RepThomasMassie]

Is America ready for my term limit legislation titled “Three Strokes and You’re Out” ?

[MP Arizona☀️🏳️‍🌈💙🌵🐕🐕‍🦺🫂💦🏜🐟🌴🎙🌎🌻♍️🌊 @AzPetrich]

Let me be VERY clear for those of you in the back. If bringing down the largest child sex trafficking ring in our known history will "collapse the government as we know it," then the government as we know it needs to collapse.

[Maryam @hell_line0]

It’s 250 years of freedom for white men only.
It’s 106 years of voting freedom for white women.
It’s 72 years of voting freedom for Asian immigrants.
It’s 61 years of voting freedom for Black people.
It’s 51 years of voting rights for Native Peoples, but we all know that’s a farce when their lands were stripped from them and their ways of life were classified illegal.
It’s 10 years of marriage freedom for queer couples.
It’s 0 years of voting freedom for Puerto Ricans.

[Jim Stewartson, Decelerationist 🇨🇦🇺🇦🇺🇸 @jimstewartson]

I’m going to run for president in 2028 with the platform: I will never let Lee Greenwood sing that fucking song in the United States ever again.

[Interesting World @_fluxfeeds]

A mid-flight scratch, then an effortless roll to face the pursuing raven. Apex predator aura.

[S.D. Hintz @sdhintz]

I’ve never seen people hurt their legs so much until I watched soccer

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

The ‘dog days’ of summer get their name due to their association with the Dog Star, Sirius, found in the constellation Canis Major.

The first visible rising of Sirius occurs during the hot stretch from early July to early September.

Woof.

[MP Arizona☀️🏳️‍🌈💙🌵🐕🐕‍🦺🫂💦🏜🐟🌴🎙🌎🌻♍️🌊 @AzPetrich]

We're experiencing this heatwave because the gates of hell have opened for Mitch McConnell.

[Brynn Tannehill @BrynnTannehill]

My family has held funerals for a hamster with more people in attendance.

[trash jones @jzux]

congress: americans do not deserve healthcare

also congress: sorry that was just my 4-month paid depression vacation

[Lizzie K. Foley @LizzieKFoley]

I'm just going to point out that @CongressmanKean took approximately 644 hours of paid sick leave. He voted against giving his constituents 40.

[💗 @ma1ybe]

THEN BUY A FUCKING CROCKPOT.

[whalefact @awhalefact]

“i asked chatgpt” well i asked a whale and she said “OOooOooOOOOoo
oOooo” and then sank a yacht

[dan d @DanJDeBrak]

I'm always for being open about mental health, but important context is that Kean, as a state rep, voted against the New Jersey Paid Sick Leave Act, which established 40 hours of sick leave for employees a year.

Kean just took *4 months* of paid sick leave.

[i bless the rains down in castamere @Chinchillazllla]

be severely depressed in the office like the rest of us

[Joyce Alene @JoyceWhiteVance]

Never leaving Twitter. Nope.

[Jeremy London @SirJeremyLondon]

Those were his grandchildren

[DoorDash @DoorDash]

oh not @tpain ... Tim... goodnight