Michaela

certified slip n’ slide

[Michaela @666cess]

no man will ever send me a text as good as the one my grandma’s snake sent me 😩

[Michaela @666cess]

wait so if the dodgers lose rn it’s 3 more days of baseball? this is a real groundhog saw his shadow type beat huh

[Michaela @666cess]

what if instead of saying “batshit crazy” we start saying “guano” e.g. “that bitch is guano” or “their set last night went guano”

[Michaela @666cess]

work puts me right into fight and flight reflex it’s similar to ‘fight or flight’ except I’m about to board a flight and then when I land I want to fight someone

[Michaela @666cess]

it was my moms right to lie that I’ll get toenails when I’m older and it’s my right to lie that they got sucked clean off

[Michaela @666cess]

as a bisexual teen my parents never thought I’d grow up to have a family so that’s why this pride im partnering with Olive Garden #sponsored

[Michaela @666cess]

when 311 comes on

[Michaela @666cess]

@mrseanbarrett live long enough to become your own worst enemy

[Michaela @666cess]

@shaki_tavi maybe Jennifer from Beijing tasty house has a brother

[Michaela @666cess]

what do you do when your split ends start getting split ends

[Michaela @666cess]

flies wide shut 😳

[OG DARKSHARK HOOD2HOLLYWOOD👊🏿 @TJackassforever]

The next girl that falls in love with me imma treat her good and Imma only cheat on her sometimes and not all the time like I did to the other ones.. and imma take care of her and don’t steal her money when she goes to take a shit and I’m not gonna fuck all her bff’s only some 🤣

[Michaela @666cess]

ever just go thru a compulsive praying phase after watching americas most wanted even though ur an atheist u know just in case…

[Michaela @666cess]

finally got to direct my bestie @corietjohnson 😳 leaking it https://t.co/L5UJJ5Ne5D

[Michaela @666cess]

chiropractor who blows your back out and then blows it back in

[Michaela @666cess]

sex is tight but have you ever tried bailing on 4 major commitments in a week 🥵

[¢orie @corietjohnson]

falling in love with me is top tier camp

[Michaela @666cess]

I’m so high I should probably rip nug to stabilize ✈️

[Michaela @666cess]

When u go to The Hut and nobody gets hurt 🙄 boring

[Michaela @666cess]

the liminal space between quitting my job and making bone broth full time

[Michaela @666cess]

Guitar goes brazy tho

[Sonny Side Up @Sonny5ideUp]

this guitar shit is too easy bro 🎸