Kyle Shields

My name is Kyle and my website/podcast is called 805sBest, as of now I need more groupies to bring it back online. Stand up comedian, smoking weed and JiuJitsu.

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

When you think you’ve been blessed by a guy at the gas station and come up on gas and bars. Then the next day you wake up 6hrs late for work

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

I started doing drugs so that 1 day I can be in a movie about doing drugs. N make enough$ to buy enough drugs to last me the rest of my life

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Happy birthday to the loves of my life. My two twin daughters turn 8 today. I don't get to see them but I fucking love them so much

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

All I know is when subway had Jared their foot longs were 5$. Now they have only two diff 1s for 6$. Don't make us pay for ur mstake subway.

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Getting a hair cut tomorrow. If I'm going to be homeless, I gotta look good. And less hair = less shampoo = more money for booze

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Well I got most my shit in storage. There's enough room in there if I need to fall asleep standing I guess that's an option

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Those Ring door bells w cameras on em are cool, but if I'm trying to rob your place and I don't think you're home. I'm just knocking first

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

I love getting letters saying I'm "pre-approved" for a loan then I go in to get it, and I don't get approved.. Is there a law suit here?

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

They where shining their lights across the street because they're so dumb they though it was from over there. Lol. Pigs

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Fuck the cops I was smoking out front when they pulled someone over I started blasting all my anti cop/riding dirty w drugs songs while here

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

The problem with xanax is, you forget how much weed you smoked the night before, then you always think someone is stealing from you

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

I love when weirdass people start talking into their phone and making animal noises and sex noises inside a crowded jack n the box

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Diarrhea 6 times threw up 1, I'd say my day is going, Average

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Sometimes I think, what if my dick really is 12 inches, but just looks like it's not

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

Well I got banned from Facebook for 24 hours. What a joke. Someone reported a post I made on my page three weeks ago

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

I puke a little in my mouth every time I see my friend post pics of his son that has a woman's hair cut, Jon&kate+8 style

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

You know you got good weed when even after you itch your butt you finger still smells like kush

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

I guess once you do so much heroin off metal spoons using plastic ones for eating&dishwashing seems logical .can't stand living with weirdos

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

One good thing about taking xanax at your boring job. The next day when you wake up you completely forgot how bored you were the day before.

[Kyle Shields @805sBest]

I took a Xanax and went shopping and apparently bought a woman's watch. It's nice. But I think it's for chicks. Don't do drugs..