Linda Workman

It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, but it's even tougher when you have to pretend that you don't mind.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

i only check my voicemail to get rid of that annoying little icon.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

Dear face wash commercials, nobody actually splashes their faces with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

Remember when I asked you out? No. Yeah, me neither.

[Kay Melton @UBorislav]

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

[Tanya Allen @ry_suftinaa]

Dear Mom & Dad... when I lie to you, it's for your own good.

[Rose Hendricks @misterpustoval1]

I miss being a kid. No one cared how you dressed, we were all friends, and you could be yourself. When did we turn so judgmental?

[Linda Woolf @HGurtyakina94]

That awkward moment when you ignore someone's phone call and they call you from someone else's phone and you answer it.

[Denise Threatt @GorlychevaMr]

You look like a Barbie!" "Thanks, tall and beautiful right?" "No, plastic and without brain.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

Alien 1: Did the humans get our message? Alien 2: Yes, But they named it Dubstep and they dance to it.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

"There are three types of lies -- lies, damn lies, and statistics." - Benjamin Disraeli

[Sherly Mathews @vpalavin1]

Will you go out with me? (a) Yes (b) a (c) b

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

"In my defense, Your Honor, humans ARE animals too. Personally, I think you should blame the petting zoo sign for not being more specific."

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

I'm here on Twitter because my family is on Facebook.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

I honestly enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

[Cindy Underwood @kamyshnyyr]

Practicing your signature over and over again, just incase you become famous.

[Janet Goddard @1987_starshinov]

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

[Jill Brazier @70Prokofiy]

That awkward moment when you've fallen down on a trampoline and b*tches won't stop jumping so you can't get up.

[Linda Workman @95Shevtsov]

I really hate when friends change just because they met new people.