WeaponsGradeBitch

My naked body has proven to be an excellent opposite sex repellent.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

I don't always feel at the top of the gene pool — but when I do, I'm at WalMart.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Today is grandbaby sitting and I'm over the moon to spend the day with my 3 youngest glambabies.

I could almost end up in a good mood.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Look.
Don't piss me off.
I have a wand and I'm not afraid to bibbity, bobbity, boo your ass into a pile of shit.

it's morning.. fuckers..

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Light travels faster than the speed of sound.
Which is why some people appear so bright until they speak.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

@PuddingBoobs Well that's a given m'love :)

[Puddin Cuddle-Thug @PuddingBoobs]

Be kind. Be generous. Be thoughtful. JUST KIDDING. That shit will be forgotten the second you fuck up, so don't bother.

[Anderson Pooper @ClosestThing]

How long do I have to star all of your dumb fucking tweets before you star one of my samples of genius?

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

*sigh*

I wish someone would look at me like I look at pizza.

it's morning.. fuckers..

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

A man was hospitalized with six plastic horses up his ass.

The doctor described his condition as stable.

it's morning.. fuckers..

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Today's Forecast: Alcohol with low standards and poor decision making abilities.

it's morning.. fuckers..

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Everything happens for a reason.
But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

A lion would never cheat on his wife.

But a Tiger Wood.

Ba-ZING!

*crickets*

hm...

fuck it..
*tweet*

[JDCrowe2 @Crowetoons]

Baseball: Washing away its drug-stained sins http://t.co/dmXG8dEyob

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Something seems terribly wrong with an email I just received to purchase "Burial Life Insurance".

I'm pretty much hoping I'll be dead,

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Sit.
Kneel.
Stand.
Kneel.
No Wait.
Sit.
Stand.
FUCK. That's not right.
Sit.
Kneel.
SUM BITCH!

Fuck.
Church is hard.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

I actually had a date tonight.
With a guy.
Who wanted to go outside in the world.
And eat dinner.

What the *hell* was he thinking?

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.

Life's a bitch,
and beer's a must.

it's morning.. fuckers..

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

I speak my mind because biting my tongue hurts.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

The secret of enjoying a bottle of wine.
1. Open the bottle to let breathe.
2. If it's not breathing, give it mouth to mouth.

[WeaponsGradeBitch @AComicTragedy]

Some condoms need to come with apology letters from the condom factory.

it's morning.. fuckers