MondKopf

Ilkeston High streets golden boy

[maf @therealmaf_]

I sat my husband down and told him I don’t enjoy sex with him anymore.

I said it plainly. I’d rehearsed it in the shower for a week.

I said, “It feels like a chore.”

He didn’t argue.

He nodded slowly, the way he does when someone reads him a budget.

“Okay,” he said. “Thank you for telling me.”

That was it.

I expected a fight. I expected him to slam a door.

He opened his laptop.

I thought, he’s ignoring me. Again.

The next morning my phone buzzed at 7:12am.

A calendar invite.

“Thursday, 9:00pm. Duration: 1 hour. Location: Bedroom.”

Under description, he’d written:

“Per your feedback.”

I stared at it for a full minute.

I texted him: “Is this a joke?”

He replied: “No. You said it feels like a chore. I’m taking it seriously.”

Taking it seriously.

He’d added a reminder 24 hours before.

Then a second one, two hours before.

On Thursday at 8:58pm, he stood in the doorway with his phone in his hand.

“I’m on time,” he said.

I laughed, and then I stopped, because he wasn’t laughing.

He truly believed he’d solved it.

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

How’s he not got thrashed? Piss poor from wolves that all involved want lifetime bans

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

We all joke about Americans being thick but fuck me not understanding that shit that’s full of water doesn’t burn easily is mental surprised he’s not lost his head about the pool being fine aswell hahahahhaha

[Concerned Citizen @BGatesIsaPyscho]

Man visits aftermath of LA Fires & can’t figure out how concrete metal building structures are completely disintegrated, yet the neighbouring lushest grass remains completely in tact. Weird.

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Absolutely shit his pants when it went up at the end, doucoure telling him he’s all talk at the end is fucking perfect the fellas a big fanny

[Football on TNT Sports @footballontnt]

"We all know this is their cup final."

Virgil van Dijk reacts to Liverpool's draw at Goodison Park 🗣

🎙 @JulesBreach | 📺 @tntsports & @discoveryplusUK

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Are we fucking reet or what? Wouldn’t have a club without him and we’ve just spent £4m, have a pop at the manager sound but he’s not diving into sacking Warne because it means spending more money we don’t have. Also who the fuck would want to buy us at the minute, fickle as fuck

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Brother someone’s gotta start teaching yanks actual history not this weird fake America-centric shit cos it’s getting out of hand now aghahahahhahaha

[Red Pill USA @Red_Pill_US]

They told us that H¡tler was ALL about exterminating the Jews, but when you listen to his speeches, that's not what he is saying???

History is written by the victor...

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

People doing this are just proper “ohhh look at me” cunts, is it his right to do it? yeah of course he should be allowed to, does it accomplish anything? Does it fuck bar feed an ego

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

@fronc9991 @dcfcofficial @DCFCAcademy Mustard mate rarely puts a foot wrong think I’ve seen him beat to a header maybe once, proper centre half

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

@TrasfertaZine They’ve got to be rugby boots surely 😂 unless Jack the Ripper got a pair custom made

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

@TrentG1919 @secondtierpod Better going forward and technically?yeah definitely but defensively? You’re struggling to find better in this league, he’s mustard

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

“Traumatised” hahahahhahaha fuck off ya Jessie, didn’t even wobble him but you’re traumatised ya big gimp

[ˢᵉᵛᵉʳⁱᵃⁿ @sixscosepoise]

Some of us were legitimately traumatized from watching the will smith slap on TV as a kid but that's cool that it's just a "meme" to you

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

@gavdotcomm @30GotNext Yeah but they aren’t cos they’re shite 😂

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

If you drink Guinness I assume you also suck your mate off every weekend after a rugby match

[non aesthetic things @PicturesFoIder]

Shut the entire bar down

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Churchill was hardly a saint but saying he’s as bad as Stalin and hitler is fucking outrageous and yeah I’m aware of the bengal famine

[keegan @Keegan59992745]

“I can’t believe they gave person of the year to a horrible person”

Look at this run

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Are folk daft or what, we’ve got no money a squad that realistically is still L1 level and he’s got us in a fairly decent spot, we aren’t the same team that dropped £12m on Bielik and man are having hissy fits about losing to a team looking at automatics

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Don’t get geezers who do this sort of shit as if the young lad wouldn’t thrash him about the place old and past it making himself look daft

[FearBuck @FearedBuck]

Dad meets his daughter’s boyfriend for the first time 😭 https://t.co/YYZqHZbDLD

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Every single person who put money in deserved to lose every penny they own hahahaha fucking idiots

[FearBuck @FearedBuck]

Hawk Tuah girl, aka Haliey Welch, is facing backlash after she started a memecoin and lost everyone money. The token hit $500M before crashing below $60M in just 20 minutes 👀

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Yeah it should be down to the parents but if they can’t/don’t then yeah the state should be filling in cos a kid shouldn’t be going hungry in this country in this day and age, this proper wasn’t worth the time it took to tweet ya div

[Ben Goldsmith @BenGoldsmith]

Children shouldn’t start classes on an empty stomach; that goes without saying. But since when did it become the role of the state to sort pre-school breakfast for children? Isn’t providing your child with breakfast sort of parenting 1.01? Like brushing their teeth at night? If parents are sending their children to school hungry someone needs to call social services. This is neglect. Children arriving at school hungry, teeth rotting, not toilet trained, not communicating… these things are not the role of the state. There’s a parenting crisis in this country.

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Get 7 or 11 freed up and bring the boy back 😍

[Sporting Kansas City @SportingKC]

Our 9th captain in Club history, you inspired generations on and off the pitch.

Thank you for everything, Johnny.

#SportingKC

[MondKopf @AJDT1997]

Shock that the geezer who’s team plays in a different countries league can’t wrap his head round local rivalries 😂