CT

mostly retweets of sports and memes that make me breathe hard through my nose

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In Texas they told me to stop at Buc-ee's for gas.

I have been to shrines. I have stood in temples that took two hundred years to build.

I was not prepared for the gas station.

There were one hundred and twenty fuel pumps.

I counted them because I did not believe them.

A man beside me was filling a truck the size of my first apartment, and he was not filling it because it was empty.

He was filling it because he was here, and here is where a man fills things.

Inside was a hall so vast I lost the horizon.

A wall of jerky. A wall of fudge I did not know the country produced.

A brisket sandwich handed to me by a man in a beaver costume.

And I want to be clear, the beaver is not a mascot.

The beaver is a saint.

The people speak of him the way my grandmother spoke of the mountain behind her house.

And the bathrooms.

I had been warned about the bathrooms and I had dismissed the warning as the pride of a loud people.

I was wrong to dismiss it.

The bathrooms are famous across the whole state and they have earned it.

I have slept in worse hotels. I nearly bowed upon entering.

A janitor was polishing the floor with the devotion of a man tending a garden he loved, and when I thanked him he said "welcome in," which I have since learned is what Texas says instead of hello, and also instead of I am glad you exist.

I went in for gas. I was inside for ninety minutes.

I came out with fudge, a shirt printed with a joke I do not fully understand, forty dollars of jerky, and a feeling I can only describe as having been to church.

I did not need any of it.

I needed all of it.

I have walked through the great cathedrals of the old world. I lit no candle there.

I lit no candle at Buc-ee's either.

But I did fill the truck.

And I understand now that in Texas, this is the same thing.

[Travis Chapman @Travispaints]

I painted a happy ending to the bison story

[BuffaloRon @BuffaloRon]

Me: I'm going to eat healthy

Lettuce: I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea

Oreos in the pantry: I would never do that to you

[alexSSN @alexSSN]

Hey man, that’s really awesome that you saved some of your 4th of July fireworks so you could set them off at noon on the 13th of July

[CT @ASAP_CTurner]

Houston is already on an annual swamp ass alert from May through Halloween

[OneOutOfFour @OneOutOf4]

Half the country is going to have swamp ass weather 🥵😂

[Fat Lenny @FatLennyLJS]

White boy summer hasn't been the same since this nuke was dismantled

[James Parker @panoparker]

I made a very important purchase at the medieval festival

[Deacon Blues @dribrats77]

Is it socially acceptable as a Steely Dan fan to have sex? I feel like I’d be backstabbing my community.

[CT @ASAP_CTurner]

They got my ass I’m afraid

[trap dad @dude_gang]

white people be like this song was on the nhl 19 soundtrack

[trap dad @dude_gang]

white people be like this song was on the nhl 19 soundtrack

[That Guy Rocked MLB @MLBGuyRocked]

Tim Lincecum

That guy rocked.

[doomer @uncledoomer]

rate my living room setup

[Kreative Doctor ⚕️ @the_grafixmedic]

Okaaaayyyyyy let me juuuuuuuust shaaaaaaaaare my screeeeeeen...

okaycanyouseeit?

[le.hl @0xleegenz]

When i yell 6 7 to my little cousins but instead of following the trend they just say "grown ass man btw" and walk away

[Work Retire Die @WorkRetireDie]

Make sure I update the project tracker so my broader team is up to date on deliverable timelines across the org

[qwaibm7 @qwaibm7]

Not now onedrive

[B/R Walk-Off @BRWalkoff]

BREAKING: Tarik Skubal won his arbitration case and will make $32M this season, per @JeffPassan

[Ahmed/The Ears/IG: BigBizTheGod 🇸🇴 @big_business_]

👤LARRY JUNE👤
👤CURREN$Y👤
👤THE ALCHEMIST👤

💿NEW ALBUM💿

🚨FEBRUARY 20TH🚨

[awesomegirl2486 @awesomegirl2486]

You have to go to the store and Buy 36 gallons of Milk or You will Die in this Snow storm

[kelly @BoyYeetsWorld]

Commenting “where did the light in your eyes go?” On every 2016 post I see