Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

I’m not kidding man the minute I get my coop pay check I’m gonna buy the homies and I matching Tommy Wiseau undies

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

White women turn thirty and be like “big things happening” and it’s them starting a pet social media account

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Guy that just watched the killing scene in the latest Roadhouse movie: “pound for pound though Connor McGregor’s still a better fighter than Jake Gyllenhal”

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Wireless touch earbuds are so funny like stop being pair-anoid bro Im just trying to clean you

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Guys I had an ultra blazing spicy chicken burrito with refried beans and a tiny glass of milk last night and my stomach is absolutely feeling the repercussions this morning. I wonder if it’s the lactose…

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

I heard that someone I know got goat milk the other day. I didn’t know they milked LeBron and sold tha shi

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Don’t ask me if I’ve seen the anime that is on my sweater, the answer is indubitably no 😔

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

When I’m good with version control but bad at typing so I keep checking what my code’s “gut status” is

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Guys I’m so proofs-coded I read the word “exfoliating” as “evaluating” body wash

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Cat with brain damage runs away whenever I try to walk towards it what a little pussy

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Bro the left side of your face just got kinda droopy and you’re slurring your words all of a sudden —I think you should calm down

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Time Machine? You mean a clock buddy?

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

*me as a doctor on acid*
<EKG is beeping as patient flatlines>
“Doctor, the patient’s crashing what are we going to do?—”
“That’s cool that’s cool man, the ego dissolves in mysterious ways”

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

*somebody calls a group that only put out one popular song years ago and then never broke big after that a ‘one-hit-wonder’*

Guy that just recently discovered that one song: “I don’t know I feel like they’re making a bit of a comeback”

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

How it feels to be an AFK guy in an anti-auto clicker world

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Rogers with their dumbass commercials where the modern ass family’s dancing in the middle of Toronto fuck you Rogers you go down and I can’t pay for milk with my card so just shut the hell up

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

@Rogers with their dumbass commercials where the modern ass family’s dancing in the middle of Toronto fuck you Rogers you go down and I can’t pay for milk with my card so just shut the hell up

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Poetry would suck if it weren’t for metaphors

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Screaming “land ho!” during every rep on the weighted rowing machine at the gym

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

Does the 5 second rule apply to a dollop of lotion that fell on the floor

[Abhinavashristan Guptanarayanswami @Abhikicks08]

I swear the guy that I beat to the urinal was water bending the piss to splash back that hard