.

[. @AdamKielbasa]

Amazon Prime delivered my child.

[Vungine Support @VungineSupport]

Anybody needs help?

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@cristeenie_ Let’s not be hasty

[chip malfunction @online_shawn]

Grimace has been euthanized

[Daggerlad @Daggerlad2]

Date: You ok?

Me: huh

Date: It’s just you stopped walking and-

Me: I’m not scared a the dark🧍‍♂️

Date: I.. didn’t say that haha. But the movie’s starting I think

Me: *staring at the darkened hallway leading into the theater* your the one who’s scared

[Daggerlad @Daggerlad2]

Me: babe i’m lost

Me: in tunnels under lawn

Wife: Wearing your helmet babe?

Me: yep metal one u got 4 me :)

Wife: *audio message of metal detector beep* Think I found youu ;)

Me: 👷‍♂️👍

Me: i cant hear u digging babe

Wife: It was a big coin😳

Wife: *blurry photo of hub cap*

[. @AdamKielbasa]

My bowels would never have hands what a dumb thing for bowels to have

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@xDANSTERSx No

[. @AdamKielbasa]

I would never ask my podiatrist if we could “take a silly one” during my foot x-rays, what a dumb thing to do

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@oneaheadclub 🐇

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@xDANSTERSx Shut up doofus it’s not it’s not

[. @AdamKielbasa]

I would never name a dog liability, what a dumb thing to name a dog

[Schmack Schmarnock @itsjwarnock]

Farting is wild like “whoops too much stinky buildup, gotta butt-sneeze it out”

[Oscar Mayer @oscarmayer]

Are you a:

[bpd bf @muderor]

I. FUCKING. HATE. THE. MONASTERY.

the older monks make me suffer earthly desires and shout go want boy go

[m @mary__retta]

Here is a very helpful resource for people interested in learning more about anti-Asian violence and how to combat it. It includes articles and books you can read, orgs to donate to, and more. I did not make this, just wanted to share!

https://t.co/NiOOB453m3

[Matt Roller @rolldiggity]

Fifty years ago, if you wanted to see a picture of a raccoon, you either had to already have it or drive to a library. And raccoon in a funny hat? Forget about it.

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@danielkn609 Did it work?

[. @AdamKielbasa]

Saw Stuart Little on a TikTok, now I ha e to sleep with the lights on

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@cristeenie_ No thanks!

[. @AdamKielbasa]

@Perihelion77 Blocked and Reported