woke bastard (phase *)

like a funky bill gates.

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@iamno1s2hold He is a recovering crack addict that has now found a new addiction- it’s apparently called shit posting.

[Adam Friedland @AdamFriedland]

.@HunterBiden I’m a talk show host in New York City. I’d love to hear your story.

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Have $40,000 on a 4-way parlay involving the Knicks winning game 2 that unfortunately also requires Scary Movie 6 to become "certified fresh" on rotten tomatoes by tomorrow morning

[woke bastard (phase *) @AddisonSchuster]

#KNICKSIN4

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

It’s well known Americans hate children but we also hate teenagers and absolutely despise people in their early twenties. In America you’re basically dead past 30 so the only acceptable age to be is 26, which is also coincidentally the worst year of your life.

[Alex @alexxmalloy]

hunter biden summer, smoking cigarettes and telling everyone to go fuck themselves

[Michael Caine @themichaelcaine]

You are only suppose to have a good time

[E D. Awg @Emawnish]

if Minions were real I’d steal one and give it a ton of pills that I had like Xanax and Oxycodone

[woke bastard (phase *) @AddisonSchuster]

MBAPPE please win it all

[🥷🏼 @killeures]

He moves like a dictator bro. It’s not even funny anymore

[Shane @shaneferro]

I too am enjoying Hunter Biden being a great poster, but some people are a little too surprised that the son of a President is smart, well-informed, and good at communicating, as if they think addiction only happens to idiots

[brian @brianonhere]

Chuck: Ernie, before we go I got just one more question for Victor—

Ernie: Chuckster, I don’t think this is—

Chuck: — Vic, Now How do you say “Big ol women” En Francais?

Wembanyama (stone faced): I don’t like the question, Charles, for me, you know, women hold up half the sky

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you, [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you, [looking at myself] it's over.

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

the quick brown fox did some other shit too but nobody ever wants to talk about that

[Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @NYCMayor]

.@NYCSanitation I'd like to report a sweep

[alphie the vampire slayer @needlephiliac]

did you just call hayley williams a foid