TheAdhdEscort

The ramblings of the world's most disorganised escort...

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

Client: I'll be your sub! DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH ME!

Me: ADHD is like living with an errant 2 year old. I'm in a permanent battle to avoid starving to death, burning down the kitchen or leaving the house without trousers. I DO NOT NEED TWICE THE AMOUNT OF HUMAN TO LOOK AFTER!

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

Cheapskate yes, but I draw the line at 'Basic' 🤨

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

When the other escort is into me, but I'm secretly more hot for the Daddy that's paying... 😂

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

I'm at my hottest when I'm ill. I know this because my phone always rings off the hook when I'm bedridden, covered in snot and completely unable to work.

[Amy Taylor @AmyTaylorNYC]

Prostitutes are named that because they’re an awesome combination of prosperous and astute I will not be taking questions at this time.

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

Drove an hour to a client who txt me as I arrived to say he'd be 40mins late. He was "too broke" to afford any extra cash. Drove home. My self-respect is worth more than my hourly rate.

You CAN pay rent in self-respect, right? 🤔

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

No no, you got it right the first time..

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

*Bulky parcel arrives in the post*
Me: Ooo, I wonder what it is??
Postman: *flips it over*
We both stare at the lable.
"Freedoms Condom Shop"

Ah. It would be the 216 condoms I forgot I'd ordered then...

#RentboyProblems #SexworkerProblems

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

I guess 3/5 isn't bad.
I'll leave you to guess whether I have a father or a drivers licence... 😏

[Alexander Jr. @ItsAlexJackson]

no gay has all five:

- a job
- good relationship with father
- neurotypical brain
- ability to top
- driver's license

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

Woo, Twitter, in their greatness, have hidden my client-facing twitter, presumably for nudity 😱

My posts are still visible, but engagement is down 90% 😒

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

One of my clients is called Sean Dean and I can't stop calling him 'Shaun Dawn' in my head... 😄

[sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist]

All bodies are miracles. Every day I get down on my knees and I pray to God and say Dear God, thank you for this meat sculpture you have imprisoned my immortal soul in. I will find a witch to undo your curse and when I am released we’ll see who smites who now you son of a bitch.

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

My life in black and white.

[Svensk Hora @SvenskHora]

When a client pays you for having sex and then asks you what you do for a living.

[Magenta WA @MagentaWA]

Only thing that's dirty is the #stigma !

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

When you reach for what you think is a tissue, discover its a fiver, and seriously consider blowing your nose on it anyway. #EscortProblems

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

Ha. Relate. This is how I came to break a 3 week old phone by swatting it at a wall...

[rt your kink @rtyourkink]

when your friend borrows your phone and you accidentally left your porn tab open and them accidentally coming across it and you having to rIP it out of their hands

[TheAdhdEscort @AdhdEscort]

@DanteDionys @BiszhopBlaczk Reassuring to hear this. I have exactly the same policy, but the amount of BB requests I've had recently, and the number of clients I've turned away, had been sowing a few seeds of doubt.

[Amy Taylor @AmyTaylorNYC]

Me: I’m a companion; I look like a model, socialize like a queen, fuck like a porn star, research like a detective, manage like a CEO. I got this.

Also me: sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read instructions for microwave burritos.