Alex Field

former writer/performer @ucbtny • current laugher @ myownjokes

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

The Gronk USAA commercials but in every one he pretends like he served in the military and gets arrested for stolen valor

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Nobody:

Fetuses at 40 weeks:

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Some people see Jesus in their toast, I see Yoda in my duck breast.

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Maddow acting like Tucker viewers are now free agents

[Rachel Maddow @maddow]

See you tonight, 9PM Eastern, on MSNBC...

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

NEED to know if Margot Robbie has a floating pinky, a whole extra toe, and a foot butt

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

@hoyabreakdown @CasualHoya @NationWideNolan All due respect, you’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. You’re framing Pitino as reprehensible when defending Georgetown’s hypothetical decision not to hire, then also saying he doesn’t rise to your threshold of unhireable.

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

This will actually kill a lot of people

[Hayden @the_transit_guy]

This will actually kill a lot of people.

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

@APStylebook

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

These egg prices…. BIG OEUF.

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Arthur did the same thing 20 years ago but now it’s brilliant

[lauren 🎬 @laurenjcoates]

shit talk glass onion all you want but the brilliance of the set dec cannot be denied. miles hung the damn rothko upside down

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Pulisic sacrificed his nether regions so the US could play the netherlands #USMNT

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

How am I 30 years old and just now learning that the percentage precipitation on a weather forecast is NOT the percent chance that I let the rain fall down and wake my dreams but is ACTUALLY the percent chance that I let it wash away my sanity

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

You ever stop and think that if Natalie Portman and Justin Trudeau date their celeb couple name could be Portmanteau

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Every Twitter celebrity giving their goodbye speech no one asked for

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Older siblings: my baby brother

The baby: 8 weeks old

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Me trying to end every spotted laternfly on tenth ave

https://t.co/O2x0FRcJUn

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

Food bank line this morning in Flatiron 😔💔

[Citizen Free Press @CitizenFreePres]

The streets of Soho and Tribeca, two of the wealthiest zip codes in the world, now littered with graffiti, knockoff goods, drugs, and criminals...

[Alex Field @alexcfield]

football player: every tackle is like a car crash

me: *handing him the new Apple Watch* prove it