Alfie Kelly

Batteries not included.

[Bruno Saurus @BrunosaurusP]

How ironic that all those saying Call a General Election are the same people that said “leave means leave”, “51% is a majority”, and calling people ‘remoaners’ for not wanting to accept the result.

[Carol Vorderman @carolvorders]

Right wingers stamping their feet saying

Call A General Election

Tell you what....

Let's have a Rejoin the EU referendum at the same time?

Six million people signed that petition

[Stan Collymore @StanCollymore]

I'll make my point a little more seriously.

£37bn of tax money of many people reading this went during Covid to allegedly corrupt people and organisations.

Not one head has rolled, not one person arrested, not one person doorstepped to answer questions.

Just one puff ball interview with one woman and her husband.

That £37bn has cost British lives, savings, businesses and hope. Still, 4 years later, zero accountability for a monster political story.

Instead, in all seriousness, a senior UK tv journalist has tweeted a story that's so irrelevant that anyone reading it can only draw one conclusion. That "look over there at a shiny bulshit story that'll titilate " replaces serious political journalism surrounding corruption of the state.

You've just tweeted a one liner in Private Eye when you should be looking for the front page of UK state corruption.

[Rachel Cunliffe @RMCunliffe]

Nothing to see here, just the guy who bought Twitter having free speech explained to him by a cat

[Adam Kirby @AdamKirbyEL]

A reminder: stunts are not new for #EdDavey

This is a true story:

Covered in blood and carrying a stranger in his arms, Ed Davey turned to see the lights of a high-speed train hurtling towards him...

[Dominic Minghella @DMinghella]

If Labour win a whopping ("super") majority, they might do more of this sort of nonsense. Down with this sort of nonsense.

[Alfie Kelly @Alfehh]

Ouch

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

Nick Robinson, "You sound to me like a guy in a pub who borrows £50 three years ago. And you keep saying, dont worry I'll pay you back. And then when you confront him in the pub, he says, I'll pay you tomorrow. You wouldn't believe him, would you?"

"You're constantly promising what you will do, but what you haven't done so far"

[BladeoftheSun @BladeoftheS]

Rishi Sunak says no-one wants an Election, RT if you do.

He's afraid of an Election, because he will lose.

[David__Osland @David__Osland]

As you seek out your ID before heading to the polling station, remember that over the last decade, there have been more Tory MPs convicted of sexual offences than voters convicted of electoral fraud

[Brendan May @bmay]

I’ve never seen this clip, from a few years ago. The best articulation of simple geopolitical reality I’ve seen in a long time. Even a simpleton could understand it, if only they’d listen.
God I miss grown up, well-read, pragmatic and convincing leaders.

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

2024: Rishi Sunak, "We've processed more asylum seekers last year than in the last two decades"

2023: Whistleblower on Channel 4 News, "The Conservative gov have cut down the number of experienced interviewers and they're replacing them with inexperienced people.. Someone working for Greggs, unemployed, next week they're interviewing asylum seekers"

First thing to note is that Rishi Sunak has now acknowledged that over the past 14 years of Conservative party rule, their plans mean fewer asylum seeker applications were processed i.e. they created the asylum backlog

The second thing to note is that tick boxing asylum applications without reading the details and making a proper evaluation isn't processing applications, it's tick boxing so Sunak can make his statement of processing so many applications

The third thing to note is that when Rishi Sunak said he would outsource sick notes away from GPs - the people who actually know whether you are suitable to be off sick or not, this tick boxing of asylum seeker applications is an example of outsourcing, which means the quality of service will be another layer of red tape that will cost more, deliver less, put more stress on the disabled, and the only winners will be the donors who secure the contract

[David__Osland @David__Osland]

Ending the cap on bankers' bonuses while imposing a one-year limit on Jobseekers' Allowance. That's class politics, right there.

[Jacques Rogues FBPE @JacquesRogues]

I say this country would be a better place if we had more Angela Rayners and less Rishi Sunacks

retweet if you agree

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

2024: Rishi Sunak, "We can't allow fraudsters to exploit the natural compassion and generosity of the British people"

2022: Treasury Minister Lord Agnew resigned complaining about fraud enabled by Rishi Sunak's covid loan scheme which siphoned off £ billions off shore

[BladeoftheSun @BladeoftheS]

Rishi Sunak complains about a Welfare budget of £69bn that goes to actually disabled people who need it to live

He ignores £150bn of Tax avoidance committed by a fraction of the 1%, who could pay it all and still be billionaires

Because that £150bn goes to his mates, and to HIM

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

Left: Rishy Sunak, "For me, it is a fundamental duty of government to make sure that hard work is always rewarded"

Right: Martin Lewis explains how by freezing income tax thresholds, because of inflation, we are actually being taxed more

[Mind @MindCharity]

Rishi Sunak today announced plans to review the fit note system for people who aren’t well enough to work, with a focus on mental health.

His speech continues a trend in recent rhetoric that is stigmatising, harmful, and inaccurate.

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

2020: Rishi Sunak claps for NHS including GPs

2024: Rishi Sunak says your GP is too stupid to know if you are sick

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

2024: Conservative candidate for Mayor of London Susan Hall says that Sadiq Khan plans to introduce a pay per mile scheme, and that she will scrap it

2023: Speaking to GB News, @SadiqKhan points out that Boris Johnson as mayor was looking at pay per mile, that Rishi Sunak as chancellor was also looking at pay per mile, and he emphatically says, "As long as I am Mayor, there will be no pay per mile scheme"

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

Clive Myrie, "What has recently been discovered in a harbour near Portsmouth?"

Ian Hislop, "It's not all the money stolen by all the water companies over the years, is it?"

Paul Merton, "You say stolen?"

Ian Hislop, "They've literally borrowed money in order to give it to their shareholders.. I think this is theft.. The river is not the only thing full of 💩"