Ali Elkin

I got the ick and went to Threads.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Not me RSVPing yes to my Barre class Friendsgiving because @AOC and @PeteDDavis say I have to join a club.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Keep thinking about that article about the guy with the online gambling addiction who kept digging himself deeper because he wanted to win to show himself he had been doing the right thing and not a very stupid thing, and I think that’s also why some men keep voting for Trump.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Audible screaming coming from multiple directions in Dobbs Ferry, New York.

[MLB @MLB]

IT'S GONE
IT'S GONE
IT'S GONE
IT'S GONE
FREDDIE FREEMAN #WALKOFF GRAND SLAM

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Love when a restaurant calls its drinks menu a “cocktail program” like I’m about to go to grad school for being tipsy.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

What do homeschooled kids dream about when they grow up?

[Jennifer Bendery @jbendery]

I got a screenshot before it was wiped.

This was on JD Vance's Senate campaign website until yesterday:

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

I would love for one of them, either of them, to enter to “Tambourine.”

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Is THIS why there’s that terminal in JFK where the only viable food option is Eat & Go Istanbul?

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Eric Adams can help with that!

[Tom Winter @Tom_Winter]

NEW: The FBI is conducting a search of Gracie Mansion, the home of New York City Mayor Eric Adams, according to video WNBC and NBC News have recorded from the scene.

The FBI declined to comment.

Reported w/ @jonathan4ny

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

This should be a DBQ on the AP US History exam.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

I’ll tell ya how I’m doing. Not well, bitch!

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

As long as I’m back on Twitter and more horrified than I’ve ever been in my life, maybe it’s time to take up smoking again.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

My 3-y-o: What song does a dog sing?
Me: Hmm maybe BINGO?
3-y-o: What song does a hamster sing?
Me: *cracks knuckles*

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Being a mother of two has so removed me from the zeitgeist that I didn’t even feel the damn earthquake.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Lol the first omelette I make on this @LGUS stove is actually a binding arbitration agreement.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Me serving dinner to my three-year-old on a Sunday

[Mosab Abu Toha @MosabAbuToha]

Here it is

https://t.co/WdwhGZ2lVR

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

Maybe the baby shoes in the six-word story are never worn simply because baby shoes are fucking useless.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

I just don’t understand how my breast milk is so fabulous if it’s made out of Italian combos and cream soda.

[Ali Elkin @AliElkin]

“Preventing picky eating” is just code for “let’s try to make them thin without giving them eating disorders.” It’s the new version of putting your kids on WeightWatchers while lecturing them about Barbie’s waist circumference.
https://t.co/52PJqtoAGV