Alison Newton

A heart so cold that only a fuzzy bear suit can warm it

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Hot take, but whenever I see videos of junk journaling it looks almost identical to the art projects my three year old puts together where she glues random things to paper 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

@seacaptainpolls 89 was absolute perfection and the only acceptable answer.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Update, they are in the city

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Are there still suburban restaurants with belly dancers roaming around on Friday and Saturday nights like we randomly had in the 90s or did we decide as a society that is no longer a thing?

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

I appreciate when DIY influencers jump to using only Farrow and Ball paint. That is when I know they have made it and can afford to no longer do the DIYs themselves and are just doing it for the love of the game and to keep making more money.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Tweet inspired by @dan_lefev Seinfeld in Utah series

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Seinfeld in Utah
Elaine: "you know, I once broke up with a guy for drinking too much Diet Coke"
Jerry: "you can't drink too much Diet Coke, this is Utah Bae-bay"
Elaine: "he had some before 7am that is where I had to draw the line!"
Jerry: "now 7am is simply too early"

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

@DakotaN89659139 No idea, I was just thinking about how common that seemed as a kid and how I haven't seen a belly dancer once at a restaurant as an adult?

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

@thatjordangirl @EliMcCann @Hive_MindHQ @MegMorleyWalter Be There in Five had a lovely episode about the Barbie movie!

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

I am interested in the nature vs nurture argument for minivan drivers. Are bad drivers naturally drawn to minivans or do people who drive minivans become bad drivers due to always being late and constantly having too many kids screaming/demanding things from them?

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

@laulauloves Derek Guy is everyone's side of Twitter🤣 He is omnipresent in a mostly good way

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Tucker Carlson getting fired is definitely a net positive for the US, but a bit of a sad thing for late night TV because he was so easy to make fun of.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Few people needed to hear President Nelson's talk on kindness and respect more than my infant who tried to convince me she wasn't tired by screaming in my ear and then flipped me off in her sleep once she finally fell asleep. Fortunately/unfortunately she slept through the talk.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

@EliMcCann My husband is a Swiftie as well and I have learned that when it comes to thoughts about Taylor, nowhere is safe unless they are positive thoughts.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Crazy how this time of day last year we would have been in the middle of a 1.5 hour yoga class. Today we were both in our pajamas desperately trying to encourage our constipated 4 mo to poop for an hour and then we cheered when she finally did

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Saw this HP accessory that would go perfectly next to the Harry Potter world wands

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

Random observation, but the older I get my friends either have picture perfect 'Pinterest' living rooms or they have Harry Potter wands displayed in their living room. No middle ground.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

This is my year!

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

If I had a child, I would definitely be rocking this for my Halloween costume

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

An infant's lack of depth perception is so funny. Mine is laying on the floor trying to swat at the ceiling fan. Who needs toys?

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

I am hoping it was just a weird side effect from getting my booster this week. But I am afraid my brain just works like that. Special shout-out to Dakota, my cousins and Phineas/Ferb for breaking me out of imaginary prison using the escape techniques in 'Portrait of a Thief'.

[Alison Newton @Alison_newt]

I accidentally slept in until 9:40am this morning because I was having a dream that the tertiary toys from Toy Story were my coworkers and they kept framing me for their crimes. My family repeatedly broke me out of the Hawaiian prison I was as stuck in.